She's Nice on the Phone, Not Nice in Person

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I have mest up in the past with our relationships i mean we talk on the phone everyday and are very close on the phone but when we are in person i expect to be the same but she doesnt act the same and when we go to parties she acts more better with another guy.

I mean i have told her that i dont like that and that everytime when we get together and something like that happens then i say something and then she starts to feel sad and then we dont talk much until the phone comes around that night or the next day.

But i mest up big time this past time we were together and i want to stop i made her feel sad but at the same time she made me feel sad to becuase she danced with this guy the whole night right in front of me but i just want to stay good friends she tells me she doesnt want to be in a relationship right now becuase her feelings were hurt i had a hard time respecting that and i have said sorry every time i realized that i have asked her out or something but this time i just want to stay freinds and will never mess up agian i dont know what to do i am depressed and can just kill myself i have known her for like 6 months now and also like on the phone she has told me somethings like that only her family knows about her i just dont know what to do but she didnt call me yesterday when she said she would and i am wondering if something just came up or she doesnt want to talk to me anymore i am sad and just want to keep a good phone relationship but at the same time when i see her in person i want that relationship to be the same also i just dont know what to do please help me thanks Advice
It sounds like in general she wants to be friends with you, and really enjoys talking with you on the phone. But she isnt' comfortable dating you, and that's why when you're out in places where there are other guys, that she spends time dancing with them. That definitely sounds like a girl that enjoys being with you as a friend but for whatever reason wants to date other people.

Getting upset with her about it really won't help a lot. She feels the way she feels for a reason. Every one of us has our own thoughts about what makes a good "boyfriend"/"girlfriend" and how that differs from someone we would just be friends with. The only person who knows what her qualifications are is her.

If you want, you can of course talk to her about it. Ask her what her ideal boyfriend would be like, and learn about the things she looks for in a guy. But I really wouldn't go overboard trying to "change yourself" to fit her mold. A relationship where one person is always fake to please the other simply doesn't work. You should be cared for for what YOU really ARE, not for what you can pretend to be for a while.

Enjoy being friends with her, and enjoy the things you're learning about how to relate to a female. But I'd then look for another female out there that respects and cares for what YOU really are, right now. She's definitely out there, it's just a matter of you opening your eyes and seeing her.

-- from Jenn
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