Violent tendencies

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I've been with my boyfriend for awhile, he is bi-racial and I am white. My parents do not like me dating african americans, actually it is forbidden. I love my b/f very much but he has alot of problems, sometimes he can become very violent, he's never hit me yet, but he's totalled a car that I was in because I broke up with him. His mother had to call the police on him that night and they had to mase him to gain control over him because he was trying to attack them to. I guess he's always had problems but I don't think it's our relationship that causes his outburts, his family life is horrible. His mom lives with her girlfiend and her other two sons, both women are very open about smoking crack and will often choose to buy it rather than school clothes for her kids. I stayed with them for 1 week and that 1 week had me wanting to be 302'd along with him. He was sent away for 5 days to stay in a hospital, he got out and still has outburts and violent tendancies against his family members. I want to help him but I think it's impossible if he is there. I am 18 and he is 17 about to turn 18 Advice
I am truly sorry you are in the middle of this situation. In my opinion, there is only one way out and that is to break up with your boyfriend. Not only do your parents forbid it, but his home environment is horrendous. He himself is, perhaps understandably, violent and that is not safe for you.

You need the assistance of your parents to break up with him. Tell them what you have told me and I hope they will make it imposssible for you to see him. This way your boyfriend can't blame you for the break-up. Normally I would advise being upfront and honest with your boyfriend, but based on what he did the last time you broke up I would not suggest that in this case.

It is quite possible that your boyfriend is an ok person, but you should not stay around to find out. Respect your parents' point of view... not because of race, but because he has been so violent and because his home environment is not a good one.

When you break up with him, do so in a caring manner so that he understands that you like him but cannot go against the wishes of your parents.

I know this is a tough decision and my advice is hard to swallow, but this is what I believe is in your best interest.

Best of luck to you,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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