Give her the space she asked for

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
About a month ago my ex came to me and said she wanted time and space for awhile. She had been married before and has three kids, and I have never been married and no kids. Weird at first but I got use to it and fell in love with her as well as her children. We had great relationship, all our friends and her and my family said so, and she even told me I was better to her kids than their real father was. Family loved me, and we even talked about marriage. We dated for 8 months. I have been in many relationships before but this is the first one I thought long term about. The week following the breakup she had me up that next Friday to her parents house to eat dinner. We stayed up until about 2 in the morning and I went home after a nice kiss and hug from her. I then found out later the next day she was hanging out over at her ex boy friends house, a relationship that she told me was basically a friendship that went to far, and shot off some e-mails to her accusing her of sleeping with him...they have been friends for awhile but I never met him. So that next Monday, (she works with me) she was upset at work so it escalated to an HR issue. She told her manager she didn't want to hurt me but he had do something because she was so upset wanting to leave work and crying. I am not sure how much of it was her dealing with us being split or me bothering her. She tried to approach me a couple of times at work after this warning, telling me that she was not sleeping with anyone and that she wanted to just be alone for awhile, but we were once again both told not to talk to each other at work. The following Sunday, after me sending some e-mails wondering why she wanted to throw this all away being really emotional, she called and told me she didn't want it to be forever and that I needed to really think about being with a woman with three children and to stop trying to talk to her through e-mail, phone, or coming by her house. I quit talking to her at work, but continued to try to talk out side of work, sending her flowers, and I even said a few crazy things in e-mails (I was in the rebound stage) I never threatened her and never said anything bad to her or about her. Just assumptions on sleeping with someone else and things like that... I showed up one time just to talk to her un announced at her house, her brother was there and told her to come outside and talk to me. She was extremely upset about me being there, said something about calling the cops, and I left as soon as she asked me. The next couple of weeks, I sent a few more e-mails, now I was in the apologizing mode, telling her how sorry I was about the way I acted, over and over again. Yesterday, we talked on the phone and I came by her house and got a few of my things. We had a really nice conversation about what was going on with her at work, she was telling me about college and how her night classes were going. And she told me at this time that all she really wanted was time to step back and think about her feelings for me because she knew we probably would end up being married if we got back together, but since I have acted this way I made her mind up for her that she doesn't want the relationship now. She kept reassuring me that she wasn't partying or sleeping with anyone. Which I though was strange, and I told her I didn't care about what she was doing, just as long as she was happy. But then said she didn't want to talk to me again. So, before I left, I just gave a hug motion and she came up to me and hugged me and while in the embrace I told her I was so sorry for the way I acted and she said she knows... So basically this has all happened in the last four weeks.

So, beside the obvious of leaving her alone, what else could I do to get her back? Or is there a chance now after all that has happened? I feel like she still cares but I have made her really uncomfortable. It even makes it harder that we work together and have been banned from talking to one another at the work place. Should I just move on and forget about her? How much time should I give her to see what will happen and/or even how long before I try to call again? Advice
I'd give it a month or so of no communications so she can get the space she wants. After that, write a thoughtful email telling her you still care for her
and would like to take her out to a fancy restaurant. Time can work for you or against you. In this case, I think it will work for you. However, don't be too surprised if it still doesn't work out. In that case you will need to move on and forget about her.

I'm sorry you are in this situation.
Best Wishes,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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