He's Always Angry
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have a partner who is alway angry with me...He comes home and his attitude immediately changes to a long face and angry ....how can I deal with a partner who gets so irritated or is always in an irritated mood with me for anything and everything?
Thank you for your help...
This sounds like a good example of how people can get into a 'rut' and then find it really hard to break their pattern. At some point he began thinking that you were a troublesome part of his life - maybe you two were fighting a lot at the time, or he didn't feel like doing his chores and you kept asking him about them. Whatever it was, it became what he "expected" and now even if you're waiting for him happy, he just mentally prepares himself for unpleasantness, which of course *causes* the unpleasantness. So he always feels like he was right to prepare, even though he doesn't realize *he's* the one causing it. It's just phenomonal how many situations like this WE cause ourselves.
In any case, it sounds like it's time for a talk. Start with the 'how to talk' info -
and since he's already defensive, start out in a soothing manner. Let him know you love him very much, and you want him to be happy. That you know that when he comes home right now he's not feeling very happy, and you want to help this out. Tell him you're making a new resolution to help make your home life much happier, and ask for suggestions. If he's a bit cranky with his first suggestion or two, don't take the bait. Just agree that you'll try, and defuse the situation. Eventually he'll realize you're serious, and if HE is serious about the relationship, he'll give a try too.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com