Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
My girlfriend on 10 months recently started her first year of college at UPenn. I've always been extremely close with her and her family so I came with her and her mother to help movie her in. While there, she seemed extremely anxious, worried, and scared. She was terrified to see me go and cried hysterically at the train station when i left. My girlfriend and me have basically experienced high school together. Since junior year, we were best friends and then sometime during that summer, we decided that it was silly for us not to accept the obvious...so we started dating. Our relationship was really really incredible. She and I never left each other's sides, and if we did, it usually was for a family occasion or something along those lines. Most of the times, I was always invited to come since her family loves me. At just 18 years of age, the two of us have already been on three vacations together: once to south carolina to visit colleges fvor 2 nights, once to mexico during spring break for a week, and most recently, we spent 3 weeks traveling through italy together just this past summer. My dilemma is this: Now that she's been at school three nights without me there, I feel like she is a completely different person. She no longer treats me as if i'm her number one priority in life and tends to rush off the phone with me to go hang out with friends. I recently found out she even lied to me about going to a party last night telling me that she instead went to a movie. I dont know what to think. I really really love her and have trouble seeing my life without her in it, it's just that I honestly feel that if it only takes three days for such a drastic change, were we fooling ourselves into thinking a long distant relationship would work? More specifically, was I wrong to think that she would be there for me? Im going to school in upstate NY and i leave tomorrow morning making me further from her than before. Additionally, she's asked me to not dirnk at all while at school since I have a history of going overboard and it makes her uncomfortable. Just tonight i asked her to do the same for me since it would make me uncomfortable and she got upset telling me that she's not the one with the porblem i am and it was a ridiculous thing to ask. Please help me understand what I should do? Should I have a little more faith in the situation and expect things to smooth over once both of us are at school (because me being alone in the city with her at school definitely could've made me overexxagerate some things), or should I sadly admit the worst: that this, in the end, was not meant to be. I've never written to anything like this before but I could really really use some help since I'm so confused. Sorry if this was such a long read. Thank you.
Sorry you and your girlfriend are apart. Don't judge her too quickly, as she is just getting used to college life and probably overdoing it at first. You may do the same thing when you get to your college. Try not to make promises you can't keep, such as not drinking.
You will soon be up to your necks with studies and other activities. Make sure you always keep in contact with her... call her from a quiet place and ask her if she can find a quiet place too.
I think things will smooth over as time goes on. You two have spent so many years together, it is likely that you will continue to do so. But, long distance dating is challenging. See these tips on that subject (some of them don't apply to your situation): http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/54711
Hope you enjoy your new school.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com