Problem with starting fights
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Ive wrote to you in the past and you helped alot. Here's my problem. Well I have a problem with starting fights. I will say things to try to push the other person. Its not even just in this realatinship, but in my entire life. I like to see how far i can push someone before they get mad. But its not even that i like it. i dont know why i do it. But i know i shouldnt, cause it hurts both me and my girlfriend. i just did this now (again) and she stormed off saying that i will never change. she says ive done this in the past, and said i would change in the past. But she says i never have. she also gets mad easy, so that doesnt help. i dont know what i can say or to to make this better. cause when i talk to her she says "go" and wont let me talk. i need something that i can say to let her know im going to change. and i need something that i can do to change. i dont want to do stuff like this. ive changed so much of my flaws for this girl, and i want to fix all the problems i have. PLEASE HELP! and quick, i dont want her mad at me for long.
Often bad behavior is learned from a parent. Think about your parents and remember if one or both of them like to start arguments. You could use some help from a counselor to help you overcome this habit. It won't be an easy one to break. But until you do, you will have trouble with other people.
As a starter, try to listen to yourself as you say things. Do you allow the other person to finish their thought or do you butt in. Do you think before you reply or just go off the top of your head. Do you ever say to the other person "you're right" or "good point." If you do these things, try to do them more often because they will help you reduce the tendency to "fight."
When you realize you have made someone angry, say to them "Gee I'm sorry I made you angry, it is a bad habit I'm trying to break." This will make them feel better and will also help you learn to modify your behavior.
You seem to be a sensible person and I am hopeful some of my advice will be helpful to you.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com