Is it friendship or more?

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I have been dating a girl for almost 2yrs. When we first started dating she had a (male) friend who she would talk to every now and then do to his work keeping him out of town. It was no issue back then. About 10 months ago he started to work locally. Since then they talk 3-4 times a day, and almost every day she will call him on her way to work,(i found this out by finding her cell phone bill). I've found out she has lied about where and when she has been with him, anything from shopping, to lunch and diners. Since this, are relationship has changed drastically. Our intimacy has gone from 3-4 times a week to once or twice a month, and we fight constantly because she says I'm jealous,controlling, and insecure. I am divorced after 12 years and only dated 1 other girl before my ex. My girlfriend says that since I really dont have a past, I don't and won't understand an opposite sex friendship. She says she has lied to keep from arguing with me but I tell her the only thing I see is a frienship turning into something else.Am I reading into this friendship? Advice
This must be very stressful for both of you and you have my sympathies. It seems that your girlfriend has a better relationship with her friend than she does with you. If you fight so much it isn't surprising that she has found someone else to talk with.

But, ask yourself this question... why would she still be with you if she preferred someone else? There must be something between you two that is holding you together. For a relationship to work, there should be trust and open communication between the partners. Both of these seem to be lacking in your relationship.

You two need to learn to compromise... she should cut back on seeing her friend because it hurts you... and you should not be so jealous because that hurts her. If you can't figure something out that works, perhaps a marriage counselor (or family therapist) could help.

Bests wishes,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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