Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I recently was away from my fiance and father of my 18 month old and three week old for a month. I traveled home 1600 miles with my son 8 months pregnant to see family. While I was gone I have proof that he has cheated, or a least I find it to be valid. First he worked a lot and seemed to be home for the first week. Then all of a sudden he was working really late and going out to the bar. There were a few times I called and he wasn't home around 2 am. In my heart I have always trusted him and he has always said that he is straight forward and that if he were to cheat he would just tell me and leave, but that he would never anyway. Now, I can get over the late nights he was out, maybe he was having fun with friends. Now, here comes the part were I caught him. The night before I headed home, I received a call at 2am from private name private number which is what our phone # comes up as. I ran to the phone and just as I was going to pick it up a young woman starts to talk. She says OH, My friend doesn't have an awnsering machine and hangs up. My heart sunk, I called my fiance just to see what would happen, well he doesn't awnser, but calls back within 30 seconds. He atomatically says Sorry I didn't get to the phone right away it was in the living room. Which is an unusual thing to say for him, and he sounded very wide awake. I asked if he just called and he said no, it must have been your other boyfriend, haha. Well, I blew it off and never told him that a girl had left a message, it could have easily been someone else right? Well, I decided I would find out when the phone bill came. There should only be one call from our house to my parents at 2 in the morning on that date. Well, I received the bill 2 days after our son was born and sure enough I was right. I confronted him and he denied knowing what the hell I was talking about and said I must be mistaken. Now, I feel absolutly betrayed, dirty for having sex with him when I came home, stupid for getting pregnant twice. I feel like I am handling things well for just having a baby, but I don't know if I should just leave and say go to hell or if I should stay and try to fix my life. I need to finish school, I want to get out of debt and I need help with my kids. I can't do it alone. I know I would be using him and then probably end up leaving when I got what I wanted. I know that there are many men out there and damn if I am going to stay with a cheater who can't even admit to it. Maybe I could forgive someone who confessed to their lies. He is being so kind when we are together and things could be so good if I let them, but all I think about everyday is the lies. So, right now, I am secretly saving money,planning for my future and soon will be doing things on my own and let him watch the kids. Am I wrong for what I am doing?
You need to see a marriage counselor quick with him or without him just to get some professional advice on what has become a very terrible situation for you. The counselor may suggest you see a lawyer to find out what your rights are.
You seem to be a strong person and I sense you will work your way through this in a successful manner.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com