Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
First of all I love your website! I think it contains an extrordinary amount of useful information for us all.
The issue lies with my one true love. I am 19 and she is 18 and we have been dating for 2.5 years. Although we have had our ups and downs together, this time seems to just be a down time for me. Recently she has been going out with her friends from work who are not great influences. One is a girl and one is a guy. The funny thing is I've never met them before. I support us having our freedom and space from eachother but then I also wonder how to deal with this when I'm feeling so insecure wondering what she's doing. I admit I am a jealous guy, and recently I have changed my ways from being clingy and possessive to relaxed and independent. But recently my insecurites have resurfaced. We talked last night and she's worried that our schedules will clash when school starts, and worries about spending so much time apart. I'm worried we will grow apart with this time. I'm finding myself becoming increasingly less independent because I'm scheduling things around her and that probably makes me look desperate. I'm really trying hard to be a challenge with her, and it worked great this last week when I was too busy for her and when I stopped showing so much affection. I dont know what to do because I feel so consumed with jealousy and fear. I know she loves me because she shows me but aren't girls who are in love with you want to spend more time with you? Or is this just a temporary thing where she needs her friends more than me?
Also do you have any tips for being more spontaneous and challenging with her?
Any advice regarding anything in this letter would be greatly appreciated.
I can tell how mixed up you are feeling. Jealousy and fear are two extremely powerful emotions and probably what you should be trying to reduce. You were able to reduce your jealousy once before and I urge you to do it again. This is the primary problem you have. Read our tips on jealousy at: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23682 and at: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/advcat/8
You could also google jealousy and see what you find.
Regarding her going out with friends, perhaps you could ask to go along sometime just to meet them. She shouldn't mind this.
Spontaneity just means being yourself without holding back. Don't worry so much about what she might think. Challenging is something I wouldn't recommend at this point. A good relationship IS a challenge, you don't need to try to make it even more so.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com