The Passion of New Love

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I was with this guy off and on for 2 1/2 years, a short while after moving in with eachother my feelings started to change for him. I fell out of love. I didn't have the same strong feelings for him as I used to. During all these feelings I met another guy at traffic school. Completely out of the blue and unexpected. The whole time I was with my boyfriend I never even thought of looking at another guy. But there was just something that "clicked" with me and the "traffic school" guy. Something that's never happened before. I can almost say that I've never believed in love at first sight until I met him. I was completely honest with this guy about the situation I was in.

It's been 3 months since I met this guy and about 2 months since my previous relationship ended. Me and the "traffic school" guy are still talking and falling more in love everytime we see each other. Our feeling for each other are completely mutual and it feels so right but when I really really think about it, I don't want to rush into anything too fast and I definately don't want anything to go wrong.

He's asking me if we are officially a couple (even though we already act like it)and even though I want to say yes, I don't know if I should slow things down a bit or go for this unbelievable feeling that I have and see what happens??? I hope that I explained myself okay. If you could help me with a little bit of advice on love I would appreciate it deeply. Advice
My concern is that you feel that you fell out of love with your first boyfriend because you didn't "feel the same way" as you had at the beginning. That's a NORMAL change in a relationship. The beginning of every relationship is always the time full of sparks and passion. And every relationship matures as it goes, into something much more calm, sedate and smooth. There's no way a human body could maintain that high level of 'first love' rush throughout its life! So you transition into a love which is more mature, more full of knowledge and trust and best-friendship.

It seems like when you hit that transition you missed the new-love rush, and therefore dropped your current boyfriend and moved on to a new one. And now you and he are in the midst of the new-love rush and it's great. But you're wondering if it will fade like it did with the other guy. And the answer is, of COURSE it will fade because that's how a relationship works. It will mature and grow, and you'll become great friends, great partners, people who trust and care for each other. That doesn't mean something is wrong. If anything it means something is right, that you stayed together to that point.

So definitely I would take things slow, but I'd also reevaluate what you're using as criteria for a "good" relationship. If you threw away your previous relationship just because the spark was gone, you probably will be equally disappointed with this one after two years. You need to think of your partner as your potential best friend, as your steady rock companion. That's the relationship that will last a lifetime.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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