My boyfriend doesn't want to break up
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
dear romance class,
Hello again, i have previously come to you for advice about wanting to break up with my boyfriend because of me being too young and wanting to experience more. He was wanting to stay together forever and me being only 15, i wasnt ready to plan my wedding! So i went with my gut and i broke up with him because that was the only cure for me to be happy with my life. He wasnt happy it was very hard and its still hard today. Its hard for him because it wasnt a mutual break up. He still wants to be with me and he tells me that all the time. Last night we talked and he was crying telling me that he wants me back and he will never give up and he cant move on to another girl becuase im the only girl for him. Its hard for me because i have to hear all of this stuff. I dont want to sound selfish, but in your life you have to do whats best for you, and this was the only way. I told him a thousand times, if i had stayed with you i wouldnt have been happy because i would have known i wasnt ready and i would just be wasting your time. It isnt fair to him. But when i hear " i want you back" i cant help but think...did he forget that i cant do that? I love him, yes, but i cant be with him. We are still really good friends and everything. I saw him yesterday for the first time since i broke up with him. oh by the way we were together for 11 months. my question is, what should i do? i cant hear that every night, i cant hear all the stuff he is saying because it is causing me to be even more unhappy than before. I dont want him to not tell me though because i told him he could always tell me his feelings. All i know is i cant listen to that any more because i wont beable to live my life happy. Plus he is a very jealous person, he always talks about when im gonna get another boyfriend and he starts saying he isnt ready he is scared for that to happen. When i really want him to have another girlfriend, even though ill be a bit jealous i know we are moving on and enjoying life when we are young. i cant have him being jealous and me having to break up with my boyfriends because of him. and i cant listen to him telling me everything about me and him wanting me back. What do i do? im so confused i dont know what to do when he tells me this stuff and i dont know what to do when i do get my next boyfriend. what do i tell him. mostly im concerned about dealing with him and his feelings...because i cant listen to that anymore. please tell me what i should do...please:) thank you so much!
You did the right thing to break up with your boyfriend because you did not feel good in the situation. Now he is using some guilt to make you feel even worse. You promised to listen to his feelings, but that is not a promise to listen to the same thing over and over. Be caring but firm with him. Tell him you consider him a best friend, but that his conversations are making you uncomfortable and that if he can't be a friend then you will need to stop talking with him.
Life changes and you are a wise person to know what you want and to follow through with it when you broke up with him. The next hard thing to do is to make him realize that he is better off having you as a friend than having a complete stopping of conversations. I think you can convince him.
See tips for breaking up at: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/advcat/11
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com