Can't get woman to express her emotions
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I've got a very good friend of that I've known for about a year and a half now. I knew we had chemistry the moment we met (or thought anyway). She seemed to confirm this feeling many times, but due to a previous relationship she was still in a lot of pain emotionally. I understood completely and suggested that we just keep doing what we're doing and we'd give it a shot when the time was right.
About 7 months later, it seemed she was trying to give me signals, hanging out more, getting closer, talking more, etc. I approached her, thinking that maybe the time was right...my approach was in vain. She said that she still couldn't and was sorry about the "signals", that she realized we flirt a lot, but didn't mean to lead me on. It hurt, but we moved on.
We continued to be friends and I've recently talked to her about it again when it seemed to be the right thing to do. At the moment we are both in the military stationed overseas, so we can't exactly do anything here, but I suggested that when we return and things settle down that we maybe give it a shot. Her response was a sad, "sorry, it's just not like that." We talked for a while and she told me that I only know one side of her, the good side. I am by no means a young, starry-eyed boyscout that puts every love interest on an unrealistic pedestal and reassured her that I have been in other realtionships and understand that everyone has ups and downs. She thought she had given me erroneous signals again and apologized profoundly, but I told her it wasn't about signs, it was about our friendship. She again apologized, but wanted us to continue to be good friends.
I'm curious how we will be friends at all(or how we ever could've been for that matter) if I only knew "one side of her." I thought we had good communication, but I guess I was wrong?). Apparently we have some honesty issues, but we would never do anything to hurt one another on purpose. Do you think that we are, perhaps, stuck in the polite "Acquaintance" stage? Not wanting to step on eachother's toes in any way? One sad thing I've noticed is that we never really talk to eachother about our feelings and what we're thinking. Given, we are not in a situation at the moment where we can just sit down and hang out any time, but we NEVER really talked.
I'm just curious if you have any insight into what might be going through her mind. We don't see eachother very often, so we do not have much chance for conversation, but does she care anything about our friendship? She never expresses her emotions, so I have no idea where she's at. I try to ask and it seems like it bothers her. I don't want to chase her away by asking all the time, but I just don't know whats going on. Any help would be appreciated.
It seems to me that you have had a reasonable number of conversations about your relationship with this woman and she shows no sign of wanting to become closer to you or to open up with you.
Perhaps she is reluctant to start anything that could be broken up so easily by either of you getting orders someplace distant. Or perhaps she just doesn't feel a "click" with you. You are right that pushing the question might chase her away since she has trouble expressing her emotions.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com