Say so long to her
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I am so confused.
Ok I fell in love with a girl about 2 years ago we met on a cruise ship. She lives in NH and I live in Fl. I have kept in touch with her ever since. She found out I liked her by accident. But she had no probelm with it. About a year after we met I confessed to her that I loved her. She felt bad for me because she didnt feel the same way, and she told me that maybe if we lived closer to each other it would probably be a lot easier. Well, in January I found out she was dating this guy. I asked her if she would ever go out with me if we lived closer to each other. She said she didnt know that she would probably say yes, but that she was unsure.
well by the end of the month I called her up and we talked like good friends. Then I asked her, “So how are things going between you and your boyfriend?” She responded, “great!” Not the answer I wanted to hear. “And you like him a lot?” I asked. “yeah,” she said. The following conversation was the most painful one I ever had with her.
Her-Do you have a girlfriend yet?
Her-well, why dont you find a girl in Florida? there have to be pretty girls in your school.
Me-there are, its just that I dont like any of them.
Her-well, you dont know if you like someone until you get to know them.
Me-(her name), would you ever go out with me if we lived closer to each other?
Her- I dont know, I dont really know you. I mean, sure we talk over the phone and through the letters, but we havent had any time to really get to know each other, you know what I mean?
Me- its just that I have been in love with you for over a year now.
Her- I dont mean to hurt you, but I dont feel the same way. Im sorry.
Me-unless, we lived closer to eachother...
Me-I just always thought that something would happen between the 2 of us.
Her- I dont see anything happening.
Her- We can still be friends.
Her-maybe years from now we’ll bump into eachother, you never know.
Me-can we just change the subject?
We talked about a few other things, but I couldnt help bringing her boyfriend up. I wanted to know what he was like.
Me- So what is he this great looking guy?
Her- He’s average looking, I dont go for the best looking, everyone always wants the best.
Me-Whats he like? Is he a good student?
Her-Straight A’s, well, A’s and B’s, like me, you know? He’s a total jock! He’s always like ‘I wanna play football, I wanna play basketball, I wanna play baseball’, sometimes it gets annoying, but most of the time its a lot of fun. Its funny, cuz he’s on the basketball team and I cheerlead, so its like Im cheering for him. I see him every day!
Me-How old is he?
Me-so he’s a sophomore?
Her-No, he’s a junior. My family loves him. My friends like him and his friends like me. He gave me this cute stuffed elephant, cuz you know I love elephants. He treats me like a queen. He’s a sweetheart.
Her-and next saturday Im going to a dance, I bought this really cute dress.
Her- Do you go to dances?
Me-No. I dont know how to dance.
Her-what about slow dance?
Her- I also want to go to prom.
Her-my bf is getting his new car soon. Tomorrow it will be a month since we started going out.
And so the conversation continued. I was dying on the inside, but I remained calm as I talked to her. She began telling me how some company in Boston had sent her a letter to do modeling, but she refused. I then said to her, “Well, you do have a beautiful face”. I guess it sounded kind of stupid, but I just had to say something. She said thank you, but there was silence afterwards. I figured she was a little uncomfortable. She had to go eventually, so we said our goodbyes. Her last words were, “and ask a girl out, ok?”
I said ok and we hung up. Of course I could never bring myself to ask any other girl out.
Well the months went by, there was some tension, but then one conversation diminshed all of that. We talked about so many things. We talked about colleges, and I was telling her from what schools I had gotten letters from. I forgot one of them, and then she asked me, "from NH?"
eventually i took a look at one of her photos and i told her, "youre so pretty!" and she was flattered and thanked me.
Well about a month after this conversation, she broke up with her bf. She said he wasnt the kind of person she wanted to be with, and she lost feelings for him.
Well, we finally were gonna see each other again after 2 years. We were gonna meet up in Orlando. Her birthday was also coming up so I wrote her a romantic poem, and i bought her a gold charm bracelet. I sent her the poem out by mail, and when we saw each other I gave her the bracelet.
The first day was so great. I knew she was comfortable around me, we had a great time. At the end of the day, she hugged me for a long time.
The next day, she was kind of distant from me. We barely spoke to each other, and she seemed to avoid me.
By the end of that day, which was our last, I gave her another romantic poem. We said goodbye then. My dad then told me that he thought she had no interest in me, which pushed me into depression.
i thought when she hugged me the night before, she was trying to give me the signal that she liked me. It was just such a long hug, and she knew that I loved her, so why would she want to lead me on. I know she isnt that kind of person.
well, the next week I was having another vacation. After I got back I sent her a letter with some pics from my trip. I called her up a couple of weeks after my trip. Her mother answered and was glad to hear from me. “Is (her name) there?” “yeah, hang on.” This was the conversation:
Me How was the rest of your time in Orlando?
Her-pretty good, we stayed in the hotel most of the time. We went back to Disneyworld..but yeah we had fun. So you had fun in Chile?
Her-yeah, I just got your letter today, I just came back from my dads house.
So we talked a little about my trip. we got into movies we saw recently, and books we had read. A little while after, I said to her, “Oh, remember before we left, when I gave you that folded piece of paper?” This was the paper that had the poem in which I had written for her.
Me-did you read it?
Me-what did you think of it?
Her- It was cute. Dont worry, I didnt throw it away or anything, I still have it. I kept it. Some of the words were kind of big, so it was a little hard to understand.
The way she said this to me seemed like she was implying, “Dont worry, just because I only see you as a friend, doesnt mean I was gonna throw it away.” When she said “it was cute”, I think her voice hesitated a little, in a bad way. As though she didnt want to say anything to hurt my feelings.
A while after, I started telling her how my step dad had planned another cruise, the same one in which we met during the same time. i had told her this in the letter already, but i just wanted to talk about it. She said to me,
“yeah, I know, I was like woah. Thats pretty funny. Maybe youll meet another girl there that looks like me or something.” I had no idea what she meant by this. I wanted to ask her how she felt about me, but I was too afraid to find out. I was getting the feeling that she only saw me as a friend.
I told her again that I couldnt believe how much she had changed, and she told me that she thought I had changed a lot too. That I looked taller. She liked the pictures that I sent her.
“Who knows when we’ll see each other again.” I said to her. “yeah. Well, maybe in the future like when we’re older. By then we will have changed a lot.”
Well we talked a little more about college and stuff. She told me that she will probably end up going to a community college in NH. I wanted to go where she was going, but I just didnt know what to do now. She didnt say anything about us attending college together, I guess she thinks that maybe we wont end up going to the same school together. She was telling me that if I wanted to go out of state to become a lawyer, that I should go to New York.
We talked about various things, like our teachers from the past. I told her about my experience in first grade, how I cried on my first day. She said, “awww thats cute.”
But in the end it seemed to be like a conversation just between 2 friends. I had to go then. I was at my fathers house when I called. Later that night, when I got to my moms house, I got online. She was on. I said to her, “Hey” and she replied with “Hi”. I told her “I just got back to my moms” and she didnt reply. She remained online until about 11:30 pm, without typing another word to me.
For the next week or so, she was online and stuff but we never said anything to each other.
Now, today, a week and a half since i had spoken to her, I found out she blocked me from her buddylist. She suddenly stopped appearing online on my buddylist, so i got paranoid that maybe she was avoiding me. i made a new screen name and i put her in the buddy list of that account and she was online. I dont mean to seem like a stalker, im really not. but this was proof that she had blocked me.
I dont know what to do now. I mean why do u think she could be blocking me, i have always been so good to her. I understand if she only thinks of me as a friend, because i agree with her, we havent had any real time to fully get to know one another. and maybe in the future something may happen between us.But no matter what we are still friends, unless she feels that i have become a pest, which i hope to God not. I just dont know why she would do this. Its so confusing, but I know shes not trying to play with my heart, she is a good person, and i dont question that.
What do u think of all this?
I think you already know the answer... she considers you a friend but nothing more. She probably liked you but if she really did block you, she must have decided that you and she had communicated enough. She might be afraid that you will try to go to the same college and she would find that too much stress, so she blocked you to avoid discussing that.
You really need to forget her and the way to do it is to start a relationship with a girl nearby you. It's sad for you to contemplate this answer, but it really is the right answer for you, I believe.
Best of luck,
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com