I'm Changing Myself to Be Like Him
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Ok, i really like my best friends cousin. And there are so many things about him that i love and envy. For example he is extremly fit. And i am subconciously changing my habits in order to be more like him. I all of a sudden hate soda, and i have recently become a veggetarian, both of these are part of his characteristics.
He is an awesome person, he is extremly smart, he is funny, and he knows how to have a good time. But his few most recent girlfriends have been preppy ditz's and he deserves someone so much better. By stating this i am not suggesting that i am what he needs but i would like to be. And thats why i think i have been changing.
Is it wrong or bad that i have changed for this guy (he dosent know this though). And he almost seems as if he might be the least bit attracted to me but im not sure. And i dont want to reveal my attraction to him incase he isnt into me. And there is always the fact that he has a girlfriend. im not sure wheather they are serious or not.
But what should i do? I am so confused. My friends think i am an obsesive little girl with a crush, but i think it might be more. How can i be sure?
This is an excellent question and one that many people ponder. Here is the thing. You should always change because the change is something you feel will truly better yourself - and is not simply to "fit another person's ideal". That is, let's say you hate country music - but you want to date a guy who loves country music. So you "dress up" like a country star solely to get him, even though you hate it all along. Sure, you might catch his eye in the short run - but believe me he WILL discover very quickly that you are lying and this will cause him to despise you. Nobody likes to be lied to or played with. So that sort of technique tends to backfire in an ugly way. Where he might have actually liked you for yourself, he will now hate you for being deceptive and untrustworthy.
OK, so that's what you have to avoid doing at all costs. But in your case, it's not that you are necessarily trying to "fake him out". It is that he is an athletic person. You admire that in him and want to become more athletic too. In this case, the goal - being more fit - is an excellent one and one that will serve you well no matter WHO you end up dating. It is important for your long term health. So in a way he is inspiring you to be a better person.
The vegetarian issue is more iffy. Eating vegetarian takes a lot of care to do it nutritiously and properly, so you maintain adequate health. This is REALLY important for girls and women. You can cause yourself serious harm if you do it poorly. So something this life-important shouldn't be done on a whim. It should be something you seriously consider, research and if you choose to do it, you need to make sure you take vitamins and eat a well rounded set of meals every day. No human can live on just lettuce.
That all being said, if these changes have caused you to cut out junk food and exercise more, those are great changes. I have a ton of tips on the site about how to build up a relationship with a guy - it always starts with friendship that gets closer and closer. So work on that, and focus on being as healthy as you can. It sounds like those are things that appeal to him.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com