Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 1 month and 10 days ago. He has said that the reason is because I didn't listen, that nothing was ever good enough for me, and the relationship was to much stress because I was high maintence. He said that it was over and he would never come back. At first I called him all the time, went to see him, told him I would change, and that I love him and I just wanted a second chance.... but he turned everything down and said no it would never happen again he is not changing his mind. So, I left him alone now with no contact for 3 weeks, and I have been going to a counselor for help.... she has taught me about some of my mistakes and I have changed, but she also pointed out his mistakes too, and showed me that I was not all to blame. He has not called me once since the breakup. Him and my mom were really close he told her over the phone after he broke up with me that he was never coming back he was done. So she called him 5 days ago to see how he was doing he was nice to her and she told him about me seeing a counselor and that I have changed and I really miss him, he told her he misses us too. My mom asked him if she should tell me to move on or tell me to have hope that he may come back and he said he doesn't know. He said he has been keeping himself so busy he didn't know that it had been over a month. My mom asked him if there was another girl or a new girlfriend and he said no. He told my mom he would call her in two days to see if he could call me and not mess up my counseling. But, he never called her. She said she doesn't even understand because he sounded confused this time when she talked to him compared to at the beginning when he flat out told her he wasn't coming back. She told me to try and give him a call on my own so that he could see throughout the conversation that I have changed. So, I did and he didn't answer his cell I never left a message, but he could still see that I called and he never returned it... nor has he called my mom back. What if anything can I do to get him to come back? I miss him and I am very proud of the changes I have made with myself and I want to try and start over with him. We were in a serious relationship and had plans to get married after we finished college...I even had a ring. Do you think that it is hopeless?
Unfortunately, I think your boyfriend has made it very clear that he is certain that he wants a permanent break up. Keep going to counseling if you can and that will make you feel better about yourself and help you change those things you want to change. By the way, congratulations for seeking counseling.
You could try writing him a letter or email describing how you feel and how you have changed for the better. Sometimes things become clearer when written out and perhaps your ex will see some changes that he likes. However, you probably shouldn't get your hopes up since he seems quite serious about what he has done.
Read some of our tips about break ups, perhaps they will help: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/54875
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com