Tell him no
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
At the ripe old age of 21, he he, I would think that after all the heartache that I have already experienced, I would know a heartbreaker from a thousand mile radius, and my intuition would be to run like hell. Hard headed me! I met a guy about three months ago when I was sure that this dating thing was not for me. Somehow, his charm tore down a part of that wall that I had built up just enough for the devilish guy to seep in.
It seemed to me that we bonded on all sorts of levels. We had so much in common. I guess this is what led to a quick romance where I feel for him in a matter of no time.
Things were good for a little while. But as the relaionship progressed, the irritation was growing out of control. He did not have a job, and his parents took them off their car insurence due to the fact that he did not have a job. And you ask why someone would even want to be with a man that can not provide? Well, he says that he suffers from depression and anxiety. That definetly played on my sympathy since I have dealt with that as well.
The more time passed the more things got harder. We never went anywhere. When I did see him, it was him calling me to come over in the wee hours of the morning. More times that it didn't this involved sex. And of course I aprroached him with my feelings that he was using me simply for this. Ever time the result was the same, he would get offended for me asking, we would have an argument, and I would feel as if I had done something wrong. Making me feel terrible. Aside from him not having a job, he didn't real do anything else except for odd jobs around the house for his mom, and hang out with his friends. I understand that friends are a major part of life, but I wondered all the time where exactly I fit into the picture. I got along with his parents. They seemed to really have an attatchment to me and they were willing to talk with me and try to help our situations, but they did not like to get too involved and I felt like an ass for bringing it up at all. I guess that it got to be too much for him, and he broke up with me. He said that he felt that he could not love someone they way they needed because of his situations with finances, his car, etc. I felt that all of this was bull, but hey you get blind sided when you love someone. It makes it hard to believe that they could possibly be playing with your heart and your head. After a week of not talking to each other, he called me up and told me that he still loved me, and wanted to try to get to know each other on a deeper level and try to salvage this. I agreed. After 2 weeks of working on things...I felt the same as I did before. Like we were going no where, all that mattered was sex, and that he really did not care whether we were together or not. This led to some really horrible conversations. What do you do when someone tells you that they want to be with you forever, they love you more than anything, but you feel that they can not live up to their promises. It was like an emotional rollercoaster. On again and off again. Just a couple of days ago, he tells me again that he does not think it's going to work out for us. Yet he calls just to say hello the night after! We wind up arguing again. The frustration for me grew due to his attitude. With him telling me things like he does love me, and he does want to be with me, but then he acts as if the conversation just doesn't matter. He doesn't want to talk about it anymore, he says that he does not care whether he talks to me again. He tells me that I am exactly right about him, and there is no reason for him to tell me otherwise because I will not believe him. He says that it is pointless now. Believe it or not, I did see some good qualities in this man, and still somehow, I hope for a happy reunion. Yes, sounds nuts I know. I just wish that I could sort through all this with a clear mind to come to some conclusion about what it is that he is trying to accomplish here. I was hoping for an unbiased oppinoin, since my care for him seems to clutter my thoughts....
My unbiased opinion is that you are being used. He may not be doing it on purpose, but that is the net effect of your relationship. He needs to get a job and his wheels back again. He also needs an attitude change where he is consistent in his feelings for you.
Sorry you are in this situation, but drop the guy before you get hurt more.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com