My Long Distance Boyfriend Abuses Me

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been with boyfriend for 7 years. He moved to US 5 years ago to persue his higher studies. we communicated in daily basis, he was with me always emotionaly and mentaly.

He's now running out of his visa stay, and trying his best get a job. he persued, Electrical Eng but looking for a job in hotel management. I've tried to help him out, but he refuces to accept anything nad has begun to emotionaly and verbaly abuse me.

He talks to sarcasticaly, and blames me nagging. I tried to have us discussing the problem together to solve it he just put me off and say he dont want to talk about it. I need help.

I really want to save the relationship but at the same time I am not sure if its worth it. Advice
You could say that he's under stress and is taking it out on you - but on the other hand how someone acts under stress is CRITICAL for any long term relationship. It is the way you truly find out what someone is about. If his solution to problems is to abuse you emotionally and mentally, that is a really really bad sign.

I would call a timeout with him and tell him that you are treating him with respect and deserve the same treatment. If he cannot do that, then you will wait for him to be able to. See if he puts in the effort or if he just treats you like his punching bag. If he does, then politely hang up. You can't change another person - but you don't have to take that abuse.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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