Is she just a friend or is something more possible?
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Im a 17yr old male and I met this girl who is 16 over the internet about 1 month ago and well up till now we have just chatted over the internet and through text messaging. We have met 2 times but for less than a minute each time, it wasnít practical to stop for a chat when we met those two times. I would like to get to know her more than just chatting over the internet and text messages, I would like to go places with her and have fun. The problem is I cant seem to work out if thatís what she wants or not, as I really like her a lot but I donít know if she feels the same way or if she just considers me a friend with no possibilities of anything more.
For this reason im worried about asking her out places since I made a little mistake when we first started talking after about 3 chats online, I asked her out to the cinema and she turned me down saying she wanted to get to know me more first which is fair enough, she also went abit quiet towards me for a few days. About a week ago I asked her again since we had chatted a lot more since and met those 2 times but she said she had seen all the films in the cinema except a few which friends had told her were rubbish so she didnít want to see them. I donít know if this was a gentle way of saying I donít want to go out somewhere with you I just want to be net friends, or if she really meant it. Its not like I can really ask her if she lied to me.
I think our friendship is going along pretty good except for this little problem, I donít know whether to accept we can only ever be net friends, or keep trying in the hope she will give me a chance to show her what a great time we can have even if its just as friends. I would love to be friends with her and go out places just as friends as im not expecting to go from internet friends to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but I just feel that she isnít going to give me the chance to show her what a good guy I am and what a great time we could have together. I know I cant force her to go out with me thatís just stupid, but what I really would like to know is if there is a chance we could be together in the future sometime.
I think she likes me in some way or she wouldnít speak to me or have given me her mobile number but I really just donít know if thatís as far as she wants to take it, or if she would like to go out places but is just abit shy as she has told me before that she is abit shy so I donít know if this is the reason. Her old boyfriend finished with her earlier this year so im not sure if that has anything to do with it, by that I mean could she possibly be scared to get involved with someone else incase she gets hurt again? Im due to meet up with her again this week but I donít know how long for, as its only so I can give her something, we are meeting in town centre. Im abit shy so im worried I will bottle out and just give her it then leave without trying to chat to her.
I have invited her out again last week but I didnít set a date or actually try and finalize plans it was just a casual would you be interested in going out toÖ and she said she would, now I donít know if she just said that until I try to set a date or make plans and she will back out. I have been meaning to ask her if she would still like to go so I can work out a date when we can go since its quite a long day trip, but im worried she is going to back out when I try to set a date. When we talked about it before she seemed in a happy mood and I donít know if she thought I was joking when I was being serious.
The reason im so keen to want to go out places and get much better friends maybe more with her is im worried that someone else might beat me to it and I will loose my chance with her. I donít know if this is jealously or something like that but when I think about loosing any chance with her and her being with someone else in a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship it makes me feel upset, abit angry and sometimes abit ill. I just really want to have a chance with her if it donít work out then fair enough, but I would hate myself if I never took a chance and she got together with someone else, when there was a chance we could have been together.
I would just like it if she was clear or at least drops some hints to how she feels about me so I know where I stand and what im able to do, but unless I have missed them she hasnít sent any signals or been clear with me at all. We seem to be able to talk about our feelings to each other as last week we talked about our worst ever days to each other both being very sad, so I donít think she is trying to distance herself emotionally from me since she talked about sensitive things with me, she also said she was glad we could talk about things like this to me afterwards too.
Would you be able to give some advice on ways I could find out the answers to some of my questions here without directly asking her them as im worried she might be scared off if I directly asked those questions. I would also like advice on possible steps to take to become real life friends instead of just internet friends and then how to find out if there was a possibility we could be more than just friends, without taking the risk of ruining our friendship by asking, are there any hints that would be dropped without her realising to how she feels about me that I could look out for? From what I have written here has she actually already given hints to me that I havenít picked up on that you can see? Could you also give me your opinion on what might be on her mind regarding going out places from what I have said above? Maybe you can help me workout from the information I have given whatís going on and what the next step is?
Thanks in advance for reading all this and for the reply.
The answers to most of your questions are in the tips found at: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/4
You are at the very good friend stage and want to further your relationship. That's what those tips are about.
Since you are so close, you ought to be able to talk about your feelings for each other. Say something casual like "I'm developing feelings for you. How about you?" If she says no, or is vague about it then assure her that you still want to be friends and you will calm your feelings down.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com