I Want to Date Her - She's Dating Someone Else
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hey I'm 17 and there's this girl (she is 17 as well) that I really love, but there is so much to this whole situation that I really don't know what's going on and what to do. Anyways she just moved here this past year and I've gotten to know her and we became pretty good friends, but then somehow we just stopped talking for the past 2 months or so. But I talked to her online about a week ago and told her that I needed to talk to her and she told me that talking in person wouldn't make things easier because she is still involved with someone and she doesn't want me to be in an awkward situation. But then I asked her again to meet me so I could just give her a letter and she agreed.
So we met and that is the first time I've seen her in over a month and when I was leaving I gave her the letter and a small gift that she personally likes and she stepped infront of me and gave me a hug. Then a couple days later she told me that she had read the letter and that what I had wrote took a lot of courage and she respects that very much. So I asked her if she could ever see herself giving me a chance even though I know she's still involved with someone and she said that at this point she doesn't think it's right to think of future relationships.
And that is understandable, but what should I do now? And do I ever have a chance in the future with this girl? I really love her and another problem I've had with her is no matter how close we've been we've never hung out outside of school she always has an excuse and I've asked her to just tell me if she doesn't want to hang out and she says that, that isn't the case she's just busy or whatever. So even after telling her how I feel I still don't know if she'll even hang out with me.
I also found out that her boyfriend lives about 2 or 3 hours away where she moved from last year and that he's a jerk so I dunno if that helps me or not because girls seem to love those kinds of guys for some reason.... But please please I just really don't know what to do now and I really hope and want a chance with her because she deserves much better than a jerk boyfriend or whatever.... Thank you.
This girl HAS a boyfriend and whether he's a good or bad boyfriend is beside the point. If you prove to her that you don't honor relationships - or push her to dishonor her relationship - then that will damage all future chances you have with her. The last thing you want in your life is the taint of being a person who has little honor. If she sees you pushing her to cheat - how can she trust you if / when she is with you??
She is a girl with morals and honor, and hopefully this is why you care about her. So be her friend but stop pressuring her. Be there for her in the background as a friend, on the net. That is a way to stay in her life without trying to push her into doing something wrong. Also, be sure to keep up your friendships with other girls. You shouldn't be putting your entire life on hold for a woman who is taken.
If she does end up breaking up with him and you are still available, then that is one solution. But she could end up staying with him and marrying him. You could find another woman who is perfect for you, and be happy for the rest of your life. You can't dedicate your entire life at this age to one woman who is in the hands of another. You need to stay her friend - but also keep your eyes open. Otherwise you put a HUGE burden on her, to turn her into the sole outlet for your emotions.
As a final note, most girls do NOT love jerks. It's just that the very few who do tend to get a lot of sympathetic attention from guys like you. I'm sure there are many girls in your life who would love to date you, and who in fact don't love anybody at all. But you seem to be ignoring them ...
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com