Making my Boyfriend Be Romantic

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My boyfriend stoped being romantic. He used to give me flowers "just because" send me an e-cards and we used to walk and talk for hours but now all that stops. How can I get him back in the game? Talking with him about all this stuff is not working. What else can I do? Advice
Aha, you've learned a valuable lesson about relationships! The question you are asking is the question that every single woman on the planet asks after a few months. And actually if you think about it, it makes sense.

The first stage of a relationship is the *wooing* stage. It's when you both are unnaturally romantic in an attempt to get each other. You guys weren't "normal" back then, you were both putting on shows to try to catch each other. And obviously it worked if you're together.

But it's never meant to last that way forever. Your body doesn't hold up that level of intensity thoughtout a relationship - it would burn out. So you settle down into a more mature love, where you *know* you care about each other without having to remind each other every 10 seconds. You know you care without having to *prove* it through constant gifts. If anything, it's a good sign that you've moved along to this stage, that you aren't demanding cash outlays as a sign of love. Love is about *being* there and caring for each other, not about spending money.

But on the other hand, you can feel neglected if you get used to all the courting excitement and aren't seeing the value in the things mature love brings - such as trusting your partner, really believing that he's there and cares for you and isn't going to leave if you aren't together for 10 minutes.

So it's a two part answer. Part one is that yes, the relationship has gotten less "romantic" as it's gotten more "mature". And that the ways in which he shows his love for you now don't involve flowers or constant ecards - it involves him being there for you and being relied on and trusted.

The other part is that yes, you might still enjoy a bit of extra attention to keep some fun in the relationship. So the best way to get that is to draw him into it. If you yell at him for being a 'bad boyfriend' it won't usually help. But if you snuggle up to him and say that it really gives you a thrill when you get that special ecard from him, because it reminds you of him, that is more positive reinforcement. When he gets a free moment in his day he'll stop and think, "My girlfriend really loves ecards - I should send her one!" instead of thinking, "Jeez my girlfriend always rags on me for not sending her enough ecards. If I send one, she'll just demand more later, and I'm really busy!"

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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