my boyfriend said that he does not want to get married in future

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Recently during our conversations, my boyfriend said that he does not want to get married in future. I was shocked and sad at he same time, but I tried to hide my feelings from him. He said he love me, but if he does not want to get married in future, then who am I to him? Does this mean that he is not serious at all about our relationship? If hes not planning to get married, then where is our relationship heading? I tried to be amused by what he said by asking him why. He told me that he wanted to care for his two sisters(both deaf-mute), and make sure they lead a good life. I was touched by his answer. From the beginning, I knew he has a good heart. Hes the type of man Im looking for. What should I do? I dream of a happy future with him. How do I make him change his stand? I want to assure him that his sisters will still be cared for, even if he gets married. Please help. Advice
Well, if he's going to give any answer for why he doesn't want to marry you, saying he wants to care for his two sisters is just about the best reason in the world. I like this guy already.

Now, what to do about how you're feeling about it all... I can say that when people decide not to marry (as a philosophical standpoint) they really intend that they won't entangle themselves in something that permanent. But then if they stay in a relationship for 20 years, what does that mean? Where's the line between marriage and long-term relationship? Marriage is such a loaded word that some people are afraid of it on principle. And they may think of all the preconceived roles that they feel they will have to take on as a husband or wife. There's a huge adjustment period when people get married because they carry such strong ideas of what a wife should do, or what a husband must do, that they forget they're people, not titles.

Are you committed to this man? Are you willing to stay with him forever and live with him forever and perhaps have children with him? If so, then being married might not have to enter into this. The commitment is really the key here. And you never know, he may change his mind as time goes along. He didn't say he doesn't want to marry -you- he said he doesn't ever want to get married. Big difference. As you stay with him longer, he'll see that you both can care for his sisters and that he has nothing to fear from marriage. Then things will be much brighter for you.

Take hope in his statements. He sounds like a wonderful guy.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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