I'm 21 and she is 16
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hi. I'm deaf and I just moved in from another state and I met this girl in the neighborhood. I visited her the first few days and taught her most of the signs and she picked them up so fast with motivation. I like her a lot and I want us to become good friends and maybe more. The only problem is that I recently learned of a new rule or a law that older guys cannot date with the younger ones and I was pretty surprised. I suppose it had to do with date rapes or other pretty sad situations. Anyway, I'm 21 and she is 16. I'm also new to this site and I've been reading a bit that the older ones shouldn't be dating the younger ones because of sex or something. I am not looking for sex, I only want to DATE. I have to admit this, I'm a virgin. I've dated 15 years old and up and everything has been fine since then. Anyway, since I'm in a new state and I really like this girl a LOT and I just don't want any problems with everyone or anything. What should I do? If you say that I cannot date her, I might look elsewhere for some other advice. I just still don't believe that the older ones shouldn't date the young ones. Age SHOULDN'T matter as long as people get along with each other fine. Thank you very much for reading. I really appreciate it.
This is not a new rule, this is fairly consistent across all states. They do differ in what they consider "young" though, and you'd have to look up what the age of consent is in your state. If you were to have sex with her, it would likely be considered statuatory rape, which means that even if she wholeheartedly agrees, she's not old enough to give consent. You'll have to look it up to see if it applies to your situation.
However, on a more realistic level, a 21 yr old has a lot of different drives and concerns than a 16 yr old does. You're worried about making the rent. She's worried about how she's going to get from English to Math before the bell rings. You're in completely different worlds.
So long as you're just looking to have company and enjoy friendship, you should be ok. Just don't bring it over into a romantic setting. She's not ready for that and the relationship would not last. When she graduates, she's likely to move away, so be prepared for that eventuality. This is one of the reasons it's not recommended to date people in high school.
I wish you the best.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com