Recently she told me that she couldn't go on with our relationship

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I'm 21 years old and I have been dating a 19 year old for the past 9 months. Recently she told me that she couldn't go on with our relationship anymore because she loved me and cared about me, but she wasnt in love with me. Wanting to still be with her, I agreed when she proposed that we be friends. Well, we talked and she told me that she had been talking to her ex boyfriend alot and he had been telling her he wanted to get back with her and all of this other stuff, crying to her and other stuff. This is her Ex boyfriend that broke up with her on 2 different christmases and got her cousin pregnant that wants her back. She truly believes him to have changed and is slowly working up a relationship with him over the phone(he lives in another state). Well, I started going over to her house as a friend(she insisted on it) to see if we could be friends, seeing that im madly in love with her . It was working out great, we were being more playful than what we had been in the last 2 months of our relationship. She seemed truly happy(whether it was me or her ex, i dont know). Well, the third day i came over, we were very friendly, and she kept telling me not to do things cause it really turned her on. Well, we were hanging on her bed and play fighting and when we were finished, she started hugging me, a kind of hug that you give someone you truly love, or havnt seen in a while. after the hug I put my head on her stomache and she started playing with my hair. Then she started bugging me and asking what i was gonna do about it. After she asked me for the third time I reached up and kissed her. We started kissing and it eventually led to a very passionate time(we made love) on her bed, she was shaking in the beginning(nervous? or something else?). Well, when we were finished, we went outside and hung out with her step dad and her brother who has no clue we did anything. Well, I went over to her house yesterday and hung out. She worked that day and was very tired. She went to sleep for a couple of hours with me there in her room(at least she trusts me). When she woke up, we smoked a cigarette together and went back inside. Well, she started kicking my butt again and i ended up laying next to her on her bed. It was going the same way as before, she was giving me these really tight hugs, pulling me to her shoulder and just holding on for a minute or two, except this time she looked over at me and told me we were getting too friendly and moved away from me, just enough to where we werent touching. She then started twriling my hair again, and when my ride got there, she gave another great hug that ended the night, I left at 10:30pm.

I know there is hope for me to win her back and away from her ex, but I dont know if I can do it on my own and desperately need advice. I love this girl more than life itsself and would forefit everything I have for her. Please help me win her back.

~Lost without her Advice
Being friends with your ex is always a tricky thing because usually one of the two of you wants it to be more and the other is just plain confused and plays with the other's heart until it breaks.

Continue to have your friendship with your ex. Take it easy on her, don't pressure her, and whenever you can, kiss her. Romance her. She says that she's not in love with you anymore, so that means you should treat her like she's the most special person on the face of the earth and she'll fall for you again.

Now the complication to this picture is her evil ex. He's clearly a jerk, and she knows he was like that but the Hollywood version of life is that the jerks clean up and become the knight in shiny armor. She will learn soon enough that he's still a jerk, and will dump him. Now, the question is if you have the patience and strength to wait until that happens, which could take some time. That's something only you can answer.

Good luck, and I hope it all turns out ok.


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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