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He went from friends to boyfriend then ran away

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Hi again. I'm the person who you wrote the 'Moving from friends to kissing' thing about. Well, my boyfriend waited until he had dropped me off after the date, standing in front of my mom, to kiss me (on the cheek). Thinking this was a sign of him wanting to do that I kissed him on the cheek the next time we saw each other. I got nothing back everytime I did it for the rest of the day.

The next day, he kinda acted tense around me, like he wouldn't let me hug him or anything. Later at lunch, in front of our friends, he said that he didn't want to be more than friends right now. He also said that it was only high school and that I shouldn't worry about it. I found out later in the day that he had never had any actual feelings for me in the first place.

So why would someone ask out someone they knew had feelings for them... just to hurt them. We've been friends for a while and he knows the kind of stuff I've been through. It's better that we're apart if doesn't care about me, but he doesn't understand that what he did was wrong. I just don't get him.

RomanceClass.com Advice
Wow, many things about his behavior strike me as REALLY odd. First, I think you did everything perfectly. He gave you a cheek-kiss, you gave him a cheek-kiss, that's something most FRIENDS do so it's not even that you escalated things. And then he backpedalled even though you didn't push things further, and then to top it off he said IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS that he wanted to be friends. Talk about low class!!

I can't even begin to guess what is wrong with him, but he acted VERY immaturely. He's the one who kissed you on the cheek. He's the one that decided to blurt out this 'cancellation of the relationship' in public. That's about as bad a way to break up as I can even imagine. Never mind a *girlfriend* - that isn't something you do to a *friend*.

I have to guess that something happened. Maybe someone saw you kiss him on the cheek and started teasing him about it, and he got scared. Maybe that's why he broke up publicly - to prove to whoever it was that he really wasn't going out with you. If it was just about *you* he'd have done it privately. Why did his make this big announcement? I would guess someone else is involved (not like another girl but like a friend that was teasing him). But even if this is true, the fact that he would publicly humiliate you just to get "points" with this friend of his is pretty slimy. Again, that's not something any real friend would do.

We could spend months trying to decipher his bizarre reasons. Whatever they might be, I think that he was wrong in how he handled the whole thing. He should have been more mature about it. I guess you can either choose to accept he's not much of a friend and let him go, or try to talk to him to at least find out WHAT he was thinking. That's up to you. But I hope you find someone that really appreciates what you offer, and just let this incident go. It wasn't about you apparently, it was about something else.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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