logo


Romantic Forums! Get the answers you seek quickly and easily! If you can't find what you need
here amongst our tens of thousands of tips and questions, be sure to Post in our Romantic Forum!
We've got over 9,800 members ready to give you a hand!
A Love Quote
Love feels no burden, regards not labors, strives toward more than it attains, argues not of impossibility, since it believes that it may and can do all things.--Thomas Kempis



I feel like we could have a really great relationship if he opened up



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I really need some advice quickly. My boyfriend and I have been together almost five months and everything was going great. Early in the relationship he told me that he didn't know if he could fall in love again. He was still in love with his first love (from when he was fifteen - he's now 21) and didn't know how to get over that. But our relationship has been great. We are able to talk about anything and love being together. Lately he's been acting differently. He's seemed more distant and less affectionate. I'll look at him and he'll look back at me but have to look away after a second or two. When I asked him what was going on this weekend, he told me that he's always had a problem being able to take a relationship to the next level. He said that he cares about me and doesn't want us to break up, but he doesn't know if he'll be able to get closer, or fall in love. He said that in all of his relationships since, it seems that at between 3-6 months it'll get to a point where the girl wants to take the relationship to another step and he just isn't able to. With his last girlfriend, she said that she loved him but he said he didn't love her. But he felt bad for hurting her so he stayed with her for over a year and a half. When they finally broke up she was really hurt anyway. He said that she didn't deserve that and he doesn't want to do that again. I'm not in love with him yet but I can see myself falling in love with him in the future. He said that whatever happens happens and that he really wants to be able to take the relationship to the next level with me. But he doesn't know if he will be able to. He still has strong feelings for his first love (although he hasn't even talked to her in over 5 years) and thats getting in the way. I feel like he's scared about being hurt again, or just feeling like that for someone else. They didn't go out for long (about 3 months) but they didnt' break up because they wanted to (she moved) and when he saw her a few months later, they were still really close. I asked him if he wanted to get over those feelings and he said he deffinitely did, that he wanted us to be able to take our relationship to the next level. But then when I suggested that he maybe talk to someone, he said that he didn't want to be tricked into feeling, or not feeling, something that wasn't real. Is there anything that I can do to help? I really want to make this work, and give our relationship somewhat of a chance. This is really hurting me because I feel like we could have a really great relationship if he opened up. I'm feeling completely lost so any advice would deffinitely help! Thanks





RomanceClass.com Advice
I guess he should get points for being honest, but it is really sad that he can't let go of his first love. I know how hard it can be to get over a previous relationship, particularly one where one or both people don't want it to end. But carrying that torch for five years is a bit much. I think he's less in love with her and more in love with the idea of being in love with her, if you know what I mean. He can keep himself from being hurt again by never letting himself get close to someone. Unfortunately, he's also adept at keeping a dead relationship going, which only confuses the issue of whether he's really involved or not.

Convince him that seeing someone does not mean getting tricked into feeling a certain way. Their only purpose is to hold a mirror up so people can see themselves more clearly. They don't create emotions at all. They bring understanding to people.

You're going to have to decide what you're willing to take when it comes to a relationship with him. If he's serious about you and about wanting to get over his ex, then he should be willing to put in the work to do it. If he isn't ready to do that, then you'll either have to wait it out or find someone new.

Sorry I can't be more positive about it, but you are, as you know, in a very tough situation.

Good luck!
Jenn



-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





Add RomanceClass  to Twitter Add RomanceClass  to Facebook Add RomanceClass  to MySpace Add RomanceClass  to Del.icio.us Digg RomanceClass+ Add RomanceClass  to Yahoo My Web Add RomanceClass  to Google Bookmarks Add RomanceClass  to Stumbleupon Add RomanceClass  to Reddit
 


Speak Your Mind - Share your Thoughts on this Question!

All Advice in the category - Getting Closer to Someone

Browse our Answer Database
- Browse Answers by Question Category
- Browse Answers by Age Group
- Browse Answers by Date of Response



Please read through the advice on this site before you Submit your Own Question! We have thousands of pages of valuable advice that can immediately help you with your situation.
Advertisement


Sparkly Irridescent Glitz Gel

Going to a party or special event? What to feel special no matter what you're doing? Roll on some glitz! Perfect for adding a special bit of sparkle to your day or evening.

Buy Glitz Gel at EclecticLady.com




Bookmark this site so you can reference it any time you need romantic / relationship info in the future!

Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Twitter Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Facebook Add Romance+Class+Website+ to MySpace Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Del.icio.us Digg Romance+Class+Website+ Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Yahoo My Web Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Google Bookmarks Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Stumbleupon Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Reddit


 

Follow Me on Pinterest


Romantic Tshirts, Bags, Mugs and More!

Love is Patient
Love is Patient ...
Deeply Loved
Deeply Loved ...
Random Kindness
Random Kindness ...

These are just a small selection - Visit the RomanceClass Shop!

Join This Newsletter!


 
RomanceClass on Facebook




Join This Newsletter!

Past Issues





| About RomanceClass | Advertising | Privacy Policy | Submit a Suggestion |
All content copyright 2013 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.

this site is for amusement only - professional advice is not being rendered

French Wedding