We got in many, many fights/arguments, some physical
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi! Ok I have a really difficult situation at hand and I don't know which way to go. First off, I have two children with "Kyle", we were together off and on for six years. We were supposed to get married like several different times and never did. He also has another child that he had before we got together. We had problems with him cheating on me plus he also had a drug and alcohol problem. We got in many, many fights/arguments, some physical and both of our familys got emotionally involved, his mother got physically involved and punched my car window on two different occassions. So now, my parents can't stand him and don't want me with him and his mom can't stand me and doesn't want him with me. We have been separated for a year now and both saw other people and even though we had contact with each other because of the kids, it was only to drop or pick up the kids. We spoke nothing of being with each other. It seemed as though we had both let the other go. I was so sure that I was over him until the other night. He came over my house this weekend and said he just wanted to stop by and see the kids. Well after the kids went to bed, he was still there and asked if we could talk. So we talked and he told me that he still loves me and wants us to try again. When he told me that, it was like a flood of feelings came rushing in, good and bad. I mean I do still love him and always will, but I'm not sure if we should do this or not. I mean we did try many times in a six year period and it never worked. But I don't know what to do, because if I go back to him, my children would be happy and I would be happy, but my family and his family wouldn't. My parents have told me that if I go back to him, they will not speak to me anymore and I will not be welcome in their home. And I myself do not like his mother and vice versa so I would definitely not go in his home. (he lives with his mother). So can you please help direct me in the right direction!! My stomach is in knots and its driving me mad on what to do!!!!
Your kids, above all else, need a stable home life. Of course they would love it if mom and dad were together again, but not when you will spend your time arguing and fighting. They would be cowering together in their beds, unhappy and afraid. You do not want them to think that is how their relationships should be when they grow up. You've spent six years trying to make it work with him, and it has always ended badly. Yes, you love him. He's the father of your kids and he's been in your life for a long, long time. But it's been a really unhealthy codependent love that will only strangle you in the long run.
If you were kid-less, I would say go with what your heart says. But you have responsibilities toward your kids and you need to do what's best for them. Do you want them to see you and their father fighting all the time? Do you want them to lose their grandparents? That's what would happen. Sometimes, not being in a relationship is the better choice.
Certainly it's up to you what you choose to do. But from where I'm sitting, I suggest finding someone new who will love you and the children and make your lives better, not worse.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com