She left me saying that she didn't feel like her own person anymore
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
This is a long story, so I'll try to keep it short.
My partner of 2.5 years recently left me. I am 33 and she 22. She first approached me with her feelings 2.5 years ago at work. I was happily married and turned her down. My wife then cheated on me shortly after, so I left her to be with this girl. I disappointed my family and lost a lot of friends to be with her, and she knew this.
We lived together for 2 years, and had a very intense relationship. I had trouble telling her I loved her, but she had a good idea (I am a typical guy). I loved her, and still do, more than anyone I ever have.
She left me saying that she didn't feel like her own person anymore, that I never told her how I felt, that she could not see us together in future, and finally that she did not love me enough to be in a relationship anymore.
I poured out my feelings to her, so she knows exactly how I feel. I wrote her a letter recently declaring my feelings for her, apologising for some of the bad things I have done (selfishness), telling her that I only want the best in life for her and if this best does not include me, then so be it because this is my unconditional love for her, and finally saying that if she ever finds love in her heart for me again, let me know and if I am at the right place in my life, I'd be willing to work through things to build a stronger relationship.
I love her madly, and cannot get her out of my head. I pray everyday that we will get back together. I'm trying the no contact approach to see if that works. What else can I do?
You're 33. You should know better than to go out with a 22 yr old. She has her whole life ahead of her, it's all just opening up and she's going to be all over the place in terms of her life goals for the next decade or so. You, on the other hand, have had a full marriage and a career and plans for the future that are fairly set. You've gone through all the ups and downs of the 20s and you're past it now. She's not. She's got to go through it if she's going to grow as a person. And being tied into a relationship with someone who isn't in the same mental arena that she is will only make things more difficult for her, not less.
I understand that you love her, and I bet it's very painful that she's gone. I understand that it's a more mature and adult love, and I know that she can't give you the same thing in return. Not at this point in her life.
I was 20 when I married a 31 yr old. After 11 years, we got divorced last year. One of my prime reasons was that we had such an age gap that we couldn't get past. I was always trying to play "catch up" with him, trying to live my life 10 years more mature than I was. I never felt like I was my own person, because I didn't know who I was anymore, I was always playing the part of an older person. It just isn't fair to me or to your ex to make us go through that.
Let your ex- go and wish her the best. But you've got to let her go. It wouldn't be good for either of you to be together.
I wish you the best.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com