i'm still having a bit of a problem trusting him fully
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
my husband and i are married nearly 8 years, and are together for 10. i used to love him in a head over heals kind of way. about two months ago i caught him cheating on me. he appologized and said that it was meaningless and that it was a mistake etc.
right now i'm still having a bit of a problem trusting him fully and every once in a while, when he goes to the bathroom with his cell phone i panick 'what if?'.
part of the reason for that is probably due to the fact that he locks his phone with a password (is that a normall thing for a husband to do, by the way?) and in generall over the years he has become more secretive, although, now he seems to be trying real hard to be open with me about life in general.
I HAVE TWO QUESTIONS, IF YOU CAN PLEASE ADDVISE ME I WOULD BE GREATFULL.
1. IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A MAN TO MAINTAIN TWO RELATIONSHIPS AT THE SAME TIME; BE AN AMAZING HUSBAND (EVERY GIRLS DREAM MAN - THAT'S HOW HARD HE IS WORKIN), AND HAVE ANOTHER WOMEN ON THE SIDE?
2. EVERY TIME I SEE HIM TALKING TO ANOTHER WOMEN NOW, (ESPECIALLY THIS MUTUAL FRIEND OF OURS THAT HE HAS TOLD ME SHE IS GORGEOUS ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS) I GET JEALOUS AND FEEL LIKE A NOTHING AND A WOMEN THAT'S NOT ENOUGH FOR HIM - HOW DO I GET OVER IT?
p.s. sexually we're a great team - he's always said so and i know it.
I can certainly understand how you have trouble believing your husband, and you have every right to be jealous and concerned that he would do this again. He has some major apologizing to do.
Your questions --
1. Is it possible to maintain two relationships?
Yes, it is very possible. In some ways, it makes life easier to have someone on the side because you have a break, an out from the responsibilities of each day. Imagine being able to go to Florida one day a week. It's that sense of a breather, a mini-vacation. But it's cheating. You're not allowing your partner the same break that you're getting. You're not giving to your partner all that energy. That's why it's so horrible. But yes, it's possible.
2. How does someone get over jealousy?
We sell an ebook on how to get over feeling jealousy: http://www.romanceclass.com/ebooks/jealousy_f.asp
It will help you because it walks you through the steps toward feeling better about yourself and therefore better about the relationship. This problem's a little more complicated than generic jealousy. This time around, you have reason to be suspicious of him. He has to open up all the way to any question you might have. He should unlock his phone or give you the code for it. He has no right to privacy anymore until you are confident that he is not cheating on you. He blew it bigtime and he needs to make amends for it.
You both would benefit from some couples counselling. You need to reshape your relationship so that both of you are happy with it. Right now, I would bet things are not comfortable at home. You need to be clear about the direction your marriage is going and how to achieve your goals. You could do it on your own, but it's a lot easier when you have an impartial third person looking at it and guiding you through it.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com