my wife and me were swingers for a brief time

Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Male
my wife and me were swingers for a brief time .when i say brief i mean brief.anyway my best friend found out and has been trying to get in on the wife told me that she had always had an intrest in him.i told her that he's my best friend and would'nt want to be involved in any sexual activities with him involved .well to make a long story short i gave in to both of them one night when i was really and my wife were in the bathroom screwing and he walked in and joined by the time i really knew what was really happening she put an end to it because she said it didnt feel right.since then they have been wanting to do it again .and i don't because i still feel uncomfortable.they both keep telling me that nothing will change that everything between us will stay the same that were all adults and its just sex and nothing more.i dont know what i should do i'm afraid that they will keep trying to convince me that all this is ok. i told her it would'nt bother me if it were anyone else but him.but she keeps telling me she knows him and feels comfortable with him.i've tried finding other people but the ones i pick she turns down .plus since the incident she been extremly more sexual with me ,where before we hardly had sex at all..any advice on what i should do .do i give in to there attraction and let this happen again or do i tell them no and hurt both of there expectations of another go Advice
If you feel uncomfortable, then they should respect your decision and should put it behind them. If you give in to them unwillingly, you'll carry that with you for a long time, and it can be a fractious issue in your marriage. Now, whether you are willing to have another go at it, just to let your wife have another shot at it, you can set up boundaries of "this time only" and tell them you expect them to act like adults and leave you alone afterwards.

It makes perfect sense that your wife's now much more interested in sex. She's had this deliciously tantalizing experience again and wants to feel that way more. You can do a lot to energize the sex between the two of you so that she's satisfied and not looking for anyone new. But the newness is really what's drawing her, not that she wants to leave you, you know that already.

If you want to include other (non-friend) people, you can invite her into the process. is a great place to look for like-minded people, and you can both check over the pictures and write the introductory letters etc. She may be more likely to go with someone new in that case.

This is definitely a workable situation, it will just take some negotiation and give-and-take on both your parts.

I wish you the best.


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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