the beginning it was perfect

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
about 3 years ago i got into an affair wth a married man. In the beggining it was perfect, he would chase me non stop, buy me things allo the time and really treat m like a princess, to cut a long story short... 1 year ago he left his wife and we moved in together, as soon as that happened, our relationship has deterioated to almost nothing. He has 2 kids one is 4 onew is 10. They live with their mother, and her boyfiend in my partners house that he gave them when he moved. i feel that in some way he is tied to her still and feels guilty for leaving his kis which has put a mojor dampener on our relationship, i love him so much but 5 days ago he said that he needed a break and i just couldn't bear the thought of losing him i continued to phone him for some sort of stability but i have got none. He said at this moment in time our relationship has ended and he's not sure if it will get back together and has asked me to stop calling and he will call me when he has sorted himself out and has come to a final decision. This is so devastating for me, i love him so much and i will do anything to fix this, he said that if he doesn't take his kids away next weekend he may come out with me on Saturday night, is that hope? Do you think that he has another woman? what tactics can you think of that would help us reunite, because i am so lost at the moment.

Kind regards Advice
I hope that everything works out. Unfortunately I'm not too confident that they will. Your man was heavily invested in the relationship with you while he was married -because- he was married and this was an exciting break for him. Now though that he's divorced and you're in his life all the time, it's no longer the fun adventure that it was. Now it's real life. And it's hard to maintain that illicit affair thrill when you wake up every day with each other.

That said, when he works through the angst of getting divorced, he may come back to you and be willing to work through the relationship's problems with you. But he does have to get over the divorce first, which will probably take a while. And it's complicated with children in the picture. He will -always- be involved with their mother because of the children. You can't fault him for that.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he has another woman. He has enough on his plate to worry about, he doesn't have time to start with anyone new. The sad part is that if you two get back together, you do need to worry about him cheating on you because you know he's done it before, and leopards don't change their spots.

I suggest that you give it time. Tell him how you feel and keep contact with him and ask for time with him. Don't be needy, if you can help it. Become again the vivacious exciting person that you used to be, the one he fell in love with. This will help him get back into the swing of things. But it still may take some time. I strongly suggest counselling for either him alone or with you. He needs an impartial third person to get his head back on straight.

Good luck!


-- from Jenn
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