Should I leave her alone or should I cry to her?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hi. I've been dating the same girl for almost 6 years now. She's going to be 20 and I'm 21. We've had a pretty good relationship, with a few small breakups. Once when I met another girl (like 5 years ago) and then she did the same thing once. But other than that, things have been great. But recently a month ago out of the blue she said she was sick of the same routine and needed to be "her". So she broke up with me and we really didn't talk too much during the month. Finally she started talking to me saying she didn't want to before because it was too hard for her. Meanwhile I've been depressed everyday missing her. I know she's the one, and I don't want to move on. I ask her if its 100% guarentee that the relationship is over and she says yeah, but then later she might say "you never know what could happen". But I think thats just to make me feel better. She's coming soon to pick up some of her stuff at my house and I was going to try and see what I could do. If I get a bunch of rose petals and make a circle in my room, then play all our old songs and try to get her to dance with me, is this pushing her too much? Also she says, "this isnt the last time I'll talk to you, and "we could be friends". But thats too hard for me. But then again if I completely shut her out, that leaves no chance of getting back together unless she comes crying back to me, which I kind of doubt, but I never know how she feels exactly. If I stay friends with her, it might give me false hope that something might happen eventually and it will kind of keep me stuck waiting for something to happen when it may never. Plus I'll have to hear stories about going out and maybe other guys (which currently neither of us to my knowledge are going out with other people), which would really tear me up. Please help me! Should I leave her alone and try to make her think I don't care if we talk (when it really bothers me), or should I cry to her on the phone telling her how much I love her and miss her? Thank you.
Breakups are always impossibly rough, particularly when it's out of the blue like this. After six years of being together, particularly at this age, it is fairly understandable that she wants some time to find out who she is... but it's rough that she's not taking you along with her on this journey.
I think it would be best if you continue to be friends with her and let her know how you feel. It will certainly make her feel good and will give you continued contact with her, which will be very bittersweet, but better than not ever seeing her again.
Whatever you do, be honest with her about how you're feeling. How she reacts to it is beyond your control, but at least she will know and can react accordingly.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com