my girl was telling me about a bad experience she had when she was 8yrs old.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hello again, i have become quite a regular to this site now lol. Anyways, ive had great advise on depression and repairing a relationship from this one on one email advise. However something happend yesterday that i did not expect and it send chills down my spine.

Me and my girlfriend were talking about sex, we are currently building back up to that stage. Somehow we got talking about bad things and all of a sudden my girl was telling me about a bad experience she had when she was 8yrs old.

She was in a park playing hiding seek with her friends and there was always this man over there with his dog who they become used to because they always went over to stroke the dog. One day this man joined in on there game. He went hiding with my girl behind a bush where he went up her skirt and abused her. He never got passed her underwhere because she run away before that. She started playing with her friends and this guy was still about and went to hide with her female friend who was her best friend at that time. My girlfriend went after them to get her out but it was to late this guy had already violated her best friend as well.

My girl bottled it up and never told anyone, not even her own mum and when her best friend tried to talk to her about it my girl rejected her. From that point on they never spoke again

Now this does explains a lot about our sex life, at times she is all over me, other times i am totally rejected. She told me that she had dealt with most of it but it still haunts her, which is fully understandable. She blames herself for it happening to her best friend and last night she broke down crying. She told me that i have helped her a lot because i have never forced into anything and that i am still here with her regardless of the rejection that has happend at times. She said that she loves me, wants to be with me, wants to have sex with me but sometimes she just jumps. She told me that she doesnt want to be used like that again and that she is glad that i never have. I think she is more upset about losing her best friend though because she wouldnt to talk to her about that.

Now before she told me this, she told me that she has been thinking about me and her having sex again which i thought was good because through out our 2 and a half years relationship our sex life is all over the place, at times its regular and other times, we went six months without sex.

To be honest i don't know what to do sexually. I mean i am here for her. i am not going anyway, i love her to damm much but what do u say to something like that? It did explain a lot but its what to do now thats the problem.

Thanks for your time. Advice
It is rough that your girlfriend had such a bad experience as a child. It does take a lot to get over an experience like that. The good thing is that she's working through it and is willing to tell you about it. I strongly recommend that you encourage her to go to counselling to work it all out. She can get to the point where she puts it behind her and it doesn't bother her or your relationship anymore.

As for what you should do sexually, make sure that she's always saying "yes" when it comes to sex. Don't push her when she's not ready. You can encourage her, though, by romancing her with flowers or bubblebaths or soft kisses. People do like to be teased into being romantic.

It sounds like things between you are going to get better than ever.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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