My girlfriend loves me, but when I say these things it really really hurts her.

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
My girlfriend and I have been together for awhile now. And I truely love her. And she truely loves me. But I have a problem. I will get mad over something. When I get mad I start to say things. Things that I dont mean. Things that I always regret saying later. I will say something like "Well sorry that I love you" or "Maybe I should just get out of your life and leave you alone." Things like that. None of these things I mean. At all. But I cant really control it. When I get mad i start to say stuff and I cant stop it. Please. How can I stop saying things like these. My girlfriend loves me, but when I say these things it really really hurts her. I hate to hurt her, but I dont know how to stop. She has told me that she loves me, but if I keep hurting her like this then me and her will not work together. I cant live without her. I love her more than anything. How can I control my mouth when Im mad. Please help me. If I loose her it will be the end of the world for me. Advice
The best way of not saying something hurtful when angry is to not get angry. Figure out what's causing the fights and settle the issues before it gets that emotional. Fix the problems before they become fights.

If that doesn't work and you find yourself in an argument, tell her, "I'm going to go for a walk before I say something I regret." and leave the situation. It takes two people to fight and if you take yourself out of the picture, then you won't be fighting and saying hurtful things.

If that doesn't work for you, then when you're arguing and about to say something mean tell her, "I want to say something really mean to you but I'm not going to." and bite down on those mean words and refuse to let them out of your mouth. You are in control of what you say. So say something better than you are, and things should improve.

I wish you luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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