Things started unravailong a few months ago

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been in a long distance realtioship with a guy i love very much for 2 years. He is a wondeful guy, I have 3 children of my own, he excepted them in his life as well. Things started unravailong a few months ago when he started gettign scared, like he was losing his freedom. He said he loved me and needed alittle space, that he wanted us see each other, only tring not be as serious. It was hard for me and I tried. He got a new job which had him working lots of hours, and sometimes we did'nt talk for afew days although we tried keeping in touvh via emails. When we did chat i would end up getting upset cuz he coud'lnt talk longor ciould'nt promise when we would talk again, he said i needed stop pushinf for more cuz although he loved me with his whole heart he did'nt have time for more and he felt bad that he coiuld'nt give me what i wanted. After a big fight he finally said he was drawing the line and he wanted be friends right now, he said thats what he can offer of himself for now. He wants talk with me and wheni asjked if we would visit each other he said he did'nt know. Thsi is very hard for me cuz I love him very much, my kids love him and I';m afraid if i push again I'll end up with nothing. Do u think if i hold tigh with only being friends with him for now that we can get back on the right track. I miss him lots and want us work out. Advice
This is a difficult situation for you. You're holding up well under some horrible circumstances. Yes, it sounds like he's really confused over what he wants, and is looking for room to clear his head. Unfortunately, most people who do that don't end up thinking about the relationship and where they are with it, they go out to movies, they go to hang with friends, they enjoy their 'single' life again. And then they write into this site and complain that they lost the love of their lives. Happens all the time.

What I recommend is to convince him to go into couple's therapy with you, to work through the issues. Find out how he can have his space while still with you. Try not to push, but keep in contact as much as possible. You two have a strong love that will no doubt pull it through.

I wish you the best.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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