Am I being selfish?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend for two years. In the beginning of our relationship, I knew he didnít have a job or a car. Over the months, he slowly began working and finally bought his own car. I never asked for him to take me out or buy me things because I knew he was in a tight spot. I was working two jobs, so if we went out, I didnít mind taking the bill. It is now two years and some months later and he is in and out of jobs, but has only actually taken me out once (on our second Valentineís Day) and has only bought me gifts on Christmas (not even on my birthday). I can literally count the gifts he has given me (a cup of coffee, a bracelet, two teddy bears and a gift certificate to a clothing store I donít shop in). I was never into the gift buying or spending loads of money on your girlfriend just because society taught men to do that, but now I feel as though I deserve a little better. A card, or some flowers would be nice. When I bring the matter up to him, he makes me feel so bad for even saying anything and puts a huge guilt trip on me. Am I being selfish? Advice
You are not being selfish at all. He should be holding up his side of the relationship and he's not. But as you've seen in other areas in his life, he's not able to hold down a job and he's not all that consistent. So it's no wonder that he's failing in this area as well.

You'll have to either adjust to the fact that he's not going to give you an equal portion of attention or you'll have to confront him and tell him that since the playing field is so unfair, you're not sure if you can continue with him. Do not take the guilt trip if he tries to put you on it. You're being soaked by him, and he's trying to make you feel bad... which says something more about his character.

Yes, you deserve better. What you choose to do is up to you.

Good luck!


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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