he said maybe we shouldn't hang out everyday
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Last December my best guy friend called me because he decided to get a divorce. I haven't seen him in about two years so I thought it strange for him to call me. Well, I went over to his house that night and we basicly started hanging out almost everyday since then. We dated for about three months then broke up because he wanted to try and work things out with his wife. That only lasted about two weeks and we started hanging out again but never started dating. I also have been watching his two children for him on his week because he works midnight shift. We have been doing things that boyfriend\girlfriends do together but he always tells me and everyone else that we are not dating we are friends with benefits. Well, this past weekend was great we did a lot together with his kids and know he tells me that he only was hanging out with me a lot because he didn't want to hurt me. First he said we shouldn't mess around anymore, then he said maybe we shouldn't hang out everyday and now he doesn't want to hang out with me to make me feel good he wants to feel good so we shouldn't hang out as much anymore. I have done a lot for him and I want to know why he would do something like that to me. Please help me to understand this.
It sounds to me like you were a rebound for him. He broke off with his wife and you were exciting and new and wonderful and everything that his ex- wasn't. But then as time went on, he slowly realized that any relationship is work, there is no free lunch, and he realized that he wasn't willing to commit to you (or anyone, at that point). So now he's backing off and feeling horrible about having unwittingly used you to get over his ex.
I don't think any of this is out of maliciousness. I think it's all because of the trauma of the divorce. Even the nicest, friendliest of divorces plays with one's head.
If you want a continued relationship with him, play by his rules for a while. Be friendly but not date-like. He needs time to stand on his own two feet for a while and feel like he has breathing room. After a while he'll be back to normal and then you can see if a relationship can be garnered out of all of this mess.
You're a good person, otherwise he wouldn't have been with you. So make a decision whether you can wait on him, or whether you should find someone new. But you're definitely worth a good relationship.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com