It seems like I fall in love with every girl I show an interest in and it scares them off.

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Iím a 17 yr old male and i'm feeling extremely confused at the moment in the sense that I have never had a girlfriend or even a female friend. I know this isnít normal but I just have such a hard time talking to girls. Iím always worried about what they think of me and iím always paranoid about how iím looking at the time. I have only talked to one girl in person and when I asked if she wanted to go out somewhere sometime she didnít give a reply and ignored and avoided me from there on.

Since then I resorted to talking to girls over the internet and this hasnít worked for me either. As out of the two instances I asked two different girls if they wanted to meet up sometime with one of them they said yes but then started not talking to me. With the other she said yes but only as friends now I donít have a problem with this but I worry about whether she actually wants to or if she just said that because thatís what she thinks I wanted to hear. Every time I talk about maybe going out somewhere it always results in some excuse and the convo going all quiet and when I do say something she only gives one word replys. Other than when I talk about going out and things, our normal convos are fine. This is really does my head in so much that some nights I cant sleep and I donít eat I know this isnít right but I just cant help myself this happened with all 3 of the girls I mentioned above.

It seems like I fall in love with every girl I show an interest in and it scares them off but I just cant help it and I donít like it, since I want to make friendships with girls but due to this problem I cant seem to. Iím coming up to 18 and was planning on going out to clubs and bars then, but Iím worried the same thing is going to happen again as Iím shy but I can talk to males no problem but when it comes to females I always tend to lockup and get really paranoid about what they think about me and how I look etc.

I want to try meet new girls but with the course I chose at college its more of a male course since theres not one female on it and with my shyness I find it impossible to talk to a girl in the canteen or corridor. I think if there was a girl on my course I would then be able to make friends even if it was just friendship only but there isnt so I cant. Being honest im not a very social person due to my shyness I always say i'm going to join a gym or get a job working in a shop to meet people but I never end up doing it as I know this would be a good start.

Its been a long read but i'm glad to get it off my chest could you give me advice on maybe why i'm always so paranoid about myself when talking to girls and why I always seem to fall in love with them and feel really ill for about a week where I hardly sleep or eat as im worrying about what they think of me. Also some advice on how someone in my situation could meet girls and become friends and not fall in love with them and mess it all up.

Thanks Advice
What makes a friend? How do you become friends with men? Believe it or not, the rules of friendship are universal. Become friends with a woman first, you'll find out they are people, too. Once you have developed friendships, you may begin to see the differences in how men and women behave. An example, you said this woman you ask out keeps coming up with excuses. A guy would just say no. On the whole women have been conditioned by society to be non-comfrontational. If a woman says she just wants to be friends, that is cool. Be friends. It can only make your life better because she may help you to learn how to better learn to communicate when it comes to courtship. Enjoy the friendship. You'll get a lot from it... including advice.

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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