He isn't ready to make the commitment of living together.



Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been seeing my boyfriend now for six months although we both say it feels like longer. Two months ago he told me that after he goes back to days at his work he wanted me to move in. So now I have brought up this to him again seeing as his shift change happens in a few weeks.. and he says he has chganged his mind. He wants to be with me and only me he says but isn't ready to make the commitment of living together. He just recently went through a divorce but has been seperated from his ex-wife for about a year. He says he doesnt want the married feeling again. He said he wants everything to stay the same with us as it is right now but doesnt want to live together.He says he can't promise me the future like I can him. I know we are at different points in our lives and asked him if he thought we were on different pages in our relationship and he said no, we are on the same page but different paragraph. Before all this he wanted to spend all of his time with me now he says he wants some time for his friends and other things and that if we spend all of our time together we will get bored and have nothing to talk about.I am a very intense person and I know that I am pushing him right now. I need to take a step back and just chill out and give it time. He says he feels like an overwatered plant right now. So do you think giving it time is what we need or am I wasting me time and his? Please help!




RomanceClass.com Advice
I think the best thing you can do is give him time. He obviously is going through stuff he has to work out. If you do decide to give him time (how does 6 mos. sound?), let him know that it's ok for him to deal with what he has to deal with and then don't say anything again until the amount of time you put aside has passed. At that point when you ask him, ask him gently, don't get him on the defensive. If he gives you an answer you can live with, great. If not, you may want to think about your future and your needs and whether someone else would be better for you.

Best wishes,
Marc

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com




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