I'm Cheating and Thinking of Breaking Up

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am a 26 yr old female that has been on and off with my boyfriend for 5 years. Lately he has been drinking alot, and I am not happy. I was thinking about leaving him. Friday I went out and accidently ran into one of his good friends. We were both drunk, and we ended up kissing and being affectionate towards each other. We have both said that we did not see anything wrong with what happened because we both needed attention.

Saturday night me, my bf, and the other man went out to play darts and my bf went home early because he was drunk and mean. The other man and I went out to breakfast and stayed out all night. We did not sleep together. We decided that was not a good thing to do. He told me last night that he did not want to be a rebound, but he was physically attracted to me. He said for me to let a few weeks go by, and if i left my bf, to call him, and we would hang out again, but with no strings attached. He said he does not think we could be compatable, but in the same breath he also said that he enjoys my company, and he liked spending the time we spoent together. He said maybe after some time of leaving my bf, we would let our little secret out to him.

This man is not a very good looking guy, but once you get to know him he has a great personality. I have had a crush on him for a while, and I would like to persue him. What should I do?

RomanceClass.com Advice
First, you are cheating on your boyfriend. You can try to justify it, but the end result is that you as a girlfriend are supposed to handle problems by talking with your boyfriend, and treating him with respect. If you cannot do that any more then you owe it to him to break up with him. You can't just sleep around and claim it is OK. Sure you need attention. That's why you have a boyfriend. You work on that issue WITH your boyfriend. If your solution is to cheat on a guy when you have problems, then no guy will stay with you.

So if you're unhappy in your relationship, end it. Then go through at least a month of rebound. And see where your head is. You will have to see if this new guy really trusts you once you are free and clear and able to date. Many guys who are quite happy to cheat are NOT happy to date that girl afterwards - because after all she's already proven that she's capable of lying to a boyfriend. So you will have to prove to him that it was a one time mistake that you won't make again. Otherwise, if you start having issues with this new guy - how can he trust that you won't just go do it again with someone else?

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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