I just don't know if i should tell him or just let it go?
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I have a boyfriend and we have been dating off and on for the past four years. A couple of fridays ago i stayed with my male cousin for about 6-7 hours and we had a couple of friends come over we had a great time. My boyfriend at the time was out of town at a party. So me and one of my close male friends that i knew for about 5 years were cuddled up on the couch (we always liked each other but we never dated). We kissed a couple of times(tounge kissed). But after i felt wrong like maybe i should tell my boyfriend. i talked to one of my close friends and she was like don't tell him because he'll never trust me but we have a very honest realtionship. I just don't know if i should tell him or just let it go?
-confused 16 year old-
This is a hard question to answer because there are two paths that are both perfectly acceptable.
First, everyone would say that they would want to know if their partner cheated. You'd certainly want to know if he was off kissing some girl at the party he was at. "Honesty is the best policy" and all that. It's being up front and responsible to tell your partner anything that would ding the relationship. And dealing with the consequences of your actions. And not telling him something this important would eat you up inside.
However, the other school of thought is that since this is a one-time incident that in no way detracts from your relationship, it's no threat to the chance of you staying together, that simply putting it away as a not-so-good memory would be the wisest course. It doesn't help anything to tell him about this because it would just bring him needless pain. It won't eat you up inside if you brush it off as a stupid move and you get on with your life. You really don't tell him everything, really. You don't tell him every conversation with your friends, nor do you tell him all the details of the party. Mostly because most of it is inconsequential nothing. It's not like you're hiding this stuff from him, it just is stuff that doesn't matter. So treat kissing this friend of yours as something that really doesn't matter.
Yes, this is an issue of trust. Can he trust you to be committed to the relationship and not stray to other people. If you know in your heart that this kiss with your friend was a one-time thing, then you are still committed to your boyfriend and that's what matters. Commitment is about not leaving him for another guy. Not getting your emotions wrapped up around someone else. You're not leaving him or dating your friend, so there's no problem for him to worry about. So telling him would only make him worry needlessly.
Much as I'm always a proponent of being truthful in all cases, I think that in this one case you could just let it go.
I wish you the best.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com