I am leaving to go overseas in 7 weeks and I really dont know what to do
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am 28 years old. I have a good friend who is a male, who I have had feelings for for well over a year. He knows this and has always been honest and upfront with me about it. Over a year ago I had a 3 month relationship with one of his best friends. He has always said nothing can happen between us because of this. Despite this we sleep NEXT TO each other quite regularly (1 to 2 times a week) and just cuddle really really tight. About 2 months ago we were sleeping next to each other and somehow one thing led to another and we had sex. Afterwards he told his friend / my ex, because he felt he had broken the 'code of conduct' with best friends. The best friend reacted very badly towards me but later apologised. The boy I had slept with stuck by me throughout but I told him I just wanted to be his friend because I missed my friend. This wasnt necessarily the truth because I have always had very strong feelings for him, but to add another twist to the story, I have to go overseas in a few months time for good, back to the country where I was born.
So we got our friendship back on track and continued sleeping next to each other. Over the last week he has been even more cuddly and a few times I got out of bed quickly because I felt like he was going to make a move and Im scared to get what I want (emotionally, not sexually) and then have to leave to the other side of the world. He is so good to me, and is such a support to me and such a good friend, and I struggle to think how I am going to say goodbye to him. I think maybe I love him.
A few nights ago he was text messaging me in the early hours of the morning - he had had a night out drinking with the boys. He wanted me to sleep next to him, said he needed a hug. I had a friend staying over so I told him I couldnt, he sent me kisses (xx) etc and I promised to see him the next day and we were going to go out. I went over the next day, he was still in bed. I napped next to him, and we always tickle each others backs, and he kisses me on the forehead and strokes my hair behind my ear and stuff, but yesterday one thing led to another again and we had sex. He cuddled me afterwards, then took me out for breakfast, then we watched a game on TV for a while, then I had to go home. When I was leaving he gave me a giant hug and said he would speak to me soon. I started to walk away, then walked back and gave him a kiss - he kissed me back.
I sent him a message last night saying I wanted a big hug, but he didnt reply.
Am I fooling myself here? He is a genuinely great guy, and I mean that. Ive seen him cry before, he really cares about people, he isnt a bastard. I dont think he would sleep with me if he didnt have feelings, otherwise he would have done it years ago. But I am leaving to go overseas in 7 weeks and I really dont know what to do - do I tell him I think I love him, do I just play it cool and never let him know how much I care about him, do I stop sleeping with him, do I keep sleeping with him? Im so confused and sad and Ive been crying all day because I feel like if I could just lay next to him and cuddle everything would feel alright, but I dont know where I stand with him. I need honesty from an outsiders point of view. Please give me some advice.
He sounds like a wonderful guy and one that you are going to have a hard time getting over. If it were me, I would make the most of the time you have left. Spend every waking second with him, cuddle with him, have sex with him, tell him everything you feel and be totally open and honest with him. You'll only regret it if you don't do anything. And he obviously knows that you're leaving, so he knows that this can go nowhere, but creating those memories will warm you throughout your life.
I wish you luck.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com