The problem is, sometimes I get jealous of this friendship.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been dating this guy for almost a year. When we first met, he was ready to break up with his girlfriend of 3 years, because he saw it as jsut a friendship. He even confided in me that they have not been intimate for about 8 months, and that he couldn't even kiss her. They, in fact, have broken up, but still remain friends. She is seeing someone else as well.

The problem is, sometimes I get jealous of this friendship. His ex-girlfriend is extremely smart, and seems to have a lot of good qualities (although I have never met her) and i cannot help but be jealous, even though he tells me that there is absolutely nothing between them.

He has given me no reason to feel jealous, or believe that there is something going on, except one time.

His sister got married and he had to fly to Vegas for the wedding. i had asked him numerous times if his ex was going, and he had told me no. finally, he admitted that she was, but there was nothing to worry about. it was a matter of timing, because when his sister made the wedding plans, she had invited his ex, as well as his other close friends. i was hurt that they would be spending the weekend together (although in completely different hotels), because i felt it should be me there, not her.

He also is sending her a present that he had promised to make her for Christmas, but did not get around to yet. he feels that since he promised to make it, he should keep his promise.

Is it wrong to be a little jealous? Should I be happy that they continue to have a friendship, or should I be concerned? I do believe that they no longer have a physical relationship, but I cannot help but worry sometimes. He tells me he loves me, and wants to marry me, and he has told me that he even told HIS EX how much he loves me. But yet, I still feel a little jealous.

My boyfriend tells me that if I cannot let this go, that we cannot move forward, and i want to truely forget about it, but need a little advice first.

Thank-You for reading this long email! I will be awaiting a response.
melanie Advice
You can stop by our site to read more about people who are dealing with jealousy:

I would believe your boyfriend. And you might want to get to know his ex- as well, because if you know her as a person, she will seem less like a threat to you. He's with you because he loves you more than her. Take pride in that. And though she's lovely and smart, it means that you are lovelier and smarter than her.

Yes, I think he should finish up that present to give to her, it's the right thing to do.

It's wonderful that your boyfriend can be friends with his ex. It means that he has a healthy outlook on relationships and can see the person as a person and not as an object. This will spill over into your relationship -- it will be a healthy one as well. You have a good guy here.

Have faith in him. Have trust in him. Put aside those feelings and insecurities and believe that your relationship is strong, and it will be.

Good luck!


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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