My girlfriend denies it and says that they are all lying.
Visitor's Question from a unknown year old Male
A young lady and I have been in a relationship for six months now. I met her working in the cafeteria on her campus. I am a student at a Medical College. When I met her I was involved in a fraternity pledge process and it happened to be her favorite frat, for which she exhibited obvious groupy tendencies. I told her this bit of information the same day we met. Later this day we went on a trip to WalMart to break the ice and that same day we had sex. We had several sexual encounters after that and she soon started to profess that she loved me. Even though I discontinued pledging she stayed with me so I assume that pledging was not the basis of our relationship--even though she did change her attitude slightly--we remained together--and I also told her that I planned to pursue pleding later in the year when I had more time. Since then our relationship has had many ups and downs. For example, she initially told me that she had sex with only one other person before me--this person she claimed was her fiance...later I found out that she was actually married to him for three months before having a divorce because he "cheated" on her. She also told me that he had given her some sort of std (possibly hpv), but that the doctors were not really sure what it was b/c they could not diagnose it. The genital rash soon cleared up and she had not had any symptoms to date. This young woman, who is 23 also told me that she never gave oral pleasure to any other male but me, not even her husband. Yet, her skill surpasses that of any woman I have dealt with in my dating career. When I started to hang out with her on campus I started to learn things about her that she never mentioned before that I am not sure of the validity of from friends and roommates. For instance, that she was in a relationship with her roommate's boyfriend's best friend. Also, that sometimes at night her suite mate would hear this young man screaming her name and her making noise when they were in the room together by themselves. This I heard from her suite mate, and later from her roommates boyfriend. My girlfriend denies it and says that they are all lying. Do you think she is being honest? Also, later I found that this same young man was paying for her to come visit him in Memphis Tennessee. And that in fact, he drove to Nashville in his ragedy vehicle to see her once and it broke down on the highway! She at first denied these several trips to Memphis. However, when I found a greyhound ticket to Memphis stashed away in her desk and questioned her, she told me that she requested the ticket from her roommate to see how much the ticket cost for which her roommate was to reimburse her!! I was also made privy to the fact that she spent the night at his house (mother's house) where the supposedly had sex. She told me that she did sleep at his house, but stayed at the foot of the bed. However, this is not congruent with the woman I know to have a huge sexual apetite. I later called this young man and he told me that they in fact did have sex and even described in detail the exact phrases that she uses when making love--should I believe him or her?? She seemed really upset at first to hear that he had told me this and called him a liar, and also said that she was going to call him and confront him about it. Also, she said she was going to let me hear his responses, but this never happened. Much later she told me that she in fact talked to him and he acted dumbfounded about ever saying anything, but there is no way for me to know if this is true or not. To make matters worse, she has a male friend in prison who writes her and is in love with her. I read one letter dated in early January. When I confronted her about it she said that it was nothing and that he was in love with her and he was nothing to worry about b/c she would not give him the time of day. Later, I noticed that he was calling her from prison, but she acted like she did not accept his calls because the were often collect. However, in May she moved into my spare room and I noticed a recent letter dated in April, tucked away in a discrete place where he again professed his love and affection for her how what he would do for her, and how much he wants to be with her. The letter was opened when I saw it, but when I brought it to her attention she acted as if she had never read it. In the letter he recalled phone conversations that they had when she told him about a cold she was getting over and other things. She says that he is not a threat, but he is getting out of jail soon, should I be concerned?? Today, we were at the house and I was preparing to go to work at the hospital when she got a phone call from one of her coworkers. A nice young man otherwise, but who is attracted to my girlfriend. I have picked up on conversations between her and her bestfriend/coworker talking about him liking her in the past. He has a house several blocks down the street from my house that I have never been to. Once she got off the phone with him I asked her politely what that was all about and she told me that he wanted her to braid his hair. I said cool, is he coming to the house. She said no, she is going to his house to do the job. When he came to pick her up the door was left open and I saw them both standing on the porch, she did not have the courtisy to introduce me to even assuage any discontent that I had. Furthermore, when I walked up to the door he simply starred at me and at her and did not utter a sound, she also stood in silence. It was not until I said "what's up" that any words were exchanged. She then walked off with him to braid his hair without even saying goodbye. Later on I took her her cell phone and she really didnot say much to me just kind of starred and received her phone. Then, when I walked to her job with my brother, again she did not say anything to me, just starred again. What should I think about all this???? I am lost for words.
This woman of yours has repeatedly lied to you, and yet you're still with her. I would not trust her as far as I could throw her. I suggest you throw her. You never get straight answers from her until she's cornered and still she lies about it. Relationships are based on friendship, communication, and trust. So far, you have the friendship but lack all the rest. This is not a relationship, this is a convenience for her. She gets all the benefits of a boyfriend while being able to do whatever she wants on the side.
The fact that you're having to snoop through all her things should be a sign to you that you don't trust her one bit and feel like you need to find proof of her wrongdoings. But then when you do find the proof, you let her pull the wool over your eyes all over again.
You need to cut this off with her and find yourself someone who will respect you enough to stay true and be true and honest with you. You should also have yourself checked for STDs sometime soon. There's no way that the doctors were mystified by her condition... those are pretty obvious symptoms. She's lied before, this is just another thing she's lying about. You need to keep yourself safe and healthy.
I wish you the best.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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