I was in a bad break up with a woman who I lived with for 5 years.
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I guess Im here again.
I emailed you gys a while back. I was in a bad break up with a woman who I lived with for 5 years. The break was so bad for the both of us that we both ended up seeeing a therapist (seperatly). I tried so hard to let her know that I was sorry for my infidelity to her but that I was so lonley. I used to work at an ambulance company and well I worked many hours and made very little money to support us. I felt so worthless and depressed. It got the best of me and I cheated on her, but I told her how I was feeling and made a very bad choice, and I wanted to work things out between us. It never happened even after I offered to get us some couples therapy. I tried so hard to let her know how much she men to me. I tried everything possible. Nothing worked. To be very honest guys. Its been 9 months now that we broke up. I still miss her. I went to 6 months of therapy to work my depression and to understand my feelings of guilt and heart ache. There has been not one day that I wonder how shes doing. Everyday I wish that this was all a nightmare and awake to her sleeping beside me. I feel like Im living my life with something missing. It has been 9 months of missing and thinking of her. I have tried to date but unfortunatley I cant seem to be as happy as I want to be. Trust me I have tried to let it go and move on. I dont know what to do and I wish I did. I just wish I could tell her how much I miss her. I guess what Im asking is. How do I try to get control of these feelings. Do you think shes wondering the samething. Doe she think of me?
I know that these answers may be very hard to answer but I guess I jut need some people to look into the times that they have been in pain. I guess I just need to know that there may be others who have felt they lost Miss. RIGHT.
Today, I had a wonderful conversation with my ex-husband. He said that he was going to Finland with his new girlfriend. My heart broke. I never wanted to get divorced, though it was my suggestion. I just wanted some space to figure stuff out, what I really wanted, who I am, that sort of thing. But then two months after I moved out, he met the love of his life. And I was out of the picture. I had just realized that I still love him and that I wanted to get back together, and he said no way, he was all set with me and he was moving on. I moved out over a year ago, and I still wake up dreaming of him. I still feel my heart flip when I hear him log onto AIM. It's really painful and unfortunate and I'm really tired of feeling this way.
I'm sure you feel the same.
There's no answer for this but that slowly over time the feelings will settle down into a dull ache instead of a firey poker in our heart. A lot of it is thinking through.... when feeling horrible, remind yourself of the problems in the relationship that were never resolved. The two of you weren't meant to be together, really, because there were so many problems. If you were meant for one another, then you would have had open communication and those problems you had would have never shown up. You would never have cheated on her if she were everything to you. You're pining after what you -wish- you had, not what you really did have. And letting go of that dream for your future is a tough thing to do. But you can do it. And you need to do it if you want to be free of the pain.
Make a new life for yourself. Plan ahead to a life that doesn't include her. Have goals that you want to achieve. Create a new vision for yourself of what you want to do, and go after it.
Life continues on, even when we think it won't. We just have to embrace the new and put the old away in a box in the back of the closet.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com