Well, she left claiming she needed to "find herself"

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am 24 (25 in a few weeks), and my ex of 5 and 1/2 years is 26. We've been through alot together, we even bought house, and lived together for over 4 years. In a nutshell, things started going downhill 3 years into the relationship, and we were both too scared to actually call it off. Well, she left feb 5th of this year, claiming she needed to "find herself" which, at 26 years of age, i just don't understand. There was a mutual lack of trust, (lots of he said she said) and things just weren't going good. I cannot stop thinking about this girl. I love her with all my heart (still). I tried to call her a few times, and even wrote a few letters, but never got a reply. The interesting part is that neither her nor I have "been with" anyone since the break. And I honestly don't want to, I've had a few opportunities. I have two ideas of ways to "win her back", and I'm looking for some professional advise to my situation as which one I should persue. Option 1: She made me a scrapbook on my 21st birthday of things we'd done, and places we've been. I never really let her know, but it was the single most loving gift I ever received. I was thinking of making her a similar book, with a matching poem to go along with it. Leaving a few empty pages at the end, and then just a picture of me and our dog. Ending is a phrase something like, "lets start over". My other thought was to just invite her to a local event that we would both enjoy without any big sappy gift, but just in an attempt to spend sometime with her. But I'm afraid if I do that, she won't think i'm sincere. One other item, when she was 15, she had a daughter which was put up for adoption, and her daughters b-day is in july. Should I wait until then to give her the book? My b-day is june 29th, should I do it closer to then? Also, her father cheated on her mother when she was an infant, and divorced. Rumors are that I cheated on her, BUT I HONESTLY DID NOT. Is there any way that I can prove this to her?? I'm sorry this is so long, but any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks again


-broken heart in NY

RomanceClass.com Advice
Actually, 27-8's a fairly common age for women to take a serious look at their lives and see what changes they want to make. So she's not far off the mark. It's a time when college is done, the first forays into adulthood are done, and it's a time of reflection of "where am I going, what do I want to do?" that kicks in.

It is wonderful that you care so much for her. Yes, I think that both of your ideas can be used. Take her out somewhere first, feel her out on what she's thinking about the two of you. And do the book thing. That is so romantic and thoughtful. It will show her that you care deeply for her and if done right, she won't feel like you're pressuring her into going out with you again. I wouldn't give it to her in relation to her daughter's birthday... but you're the better judge of that than I am.

People get back together all the time. There is hope for the two of you. Just give her some space and understanding, while always being there in the wings for her. Make sure she knows you care and that you're willing to wait for her decision.

I wish you the best!


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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