I really dread seeing him because I know that he'll make some awful remark.
Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I have been friends with a guy for 13 years now.This guy and I have something in common,in that,we both love to read.I work in a small library and he would come in and check out books.We used to be good friends,but,over the past few years,he has really changed.First,nine years ago,he hurt his foot in a bad fall(he was helping someone on a roof).Now as a result,he has trouble walking and getting around.He is a very negative person,always making mean comments about people(their weight,looks,religion,etc.)He has even tured on me several times.First,I'll give you some history on him.His parents divorced when he was a baby.His mother worked alot so his grandparents took care of him most of the time.They spoiled him and never disciplined him.He went into the Army after high school and did three tours of duty in Vietnam.He did drugs while over there.He was in college for a little bit,where he drank and did more drugs.He doesn't drink now,but,still smokes pot.He lived with a girl years ago,but,she broke up with him.He never has married or had any children.He is a very angry,bitter,and jealous person.Whenever I'm happy about something,he makes a cruel comment about it.When I tell him about my family,hobbies,etc,he makes some smart ass remark.All he does now is sit in his apartment and read.He told me that if he doesn't see anyone for two or three weeks,he's happy.I have never dated him or found him attractive because his personal hygiene isn't the best(sometimes,I think that he doesn't bathe!!).I know that he is depressed about his injury and the fact that he basically has pissed his life away.As long as I have known him,he has really never worked.I have tried to be a friend to him,but,he just doesn't care about anyone.I am good friends with his mother and she is a sweet lady.She worries about him,but,figures that it is his life.I know that I sound terrible for being this way,but,I really dread seeing him whenever he comes in the library to check out books because I know that he'll make some awful remark.I have told him to stop it,but,it goes in one ear and out the other!At Christmas,I gave him a card,and he acted like so what?!He has a brother that never calls or visits and I think most of his friends have given up on him too.Should I walk away from this friendship.It's getting to the point that I don't want to see ot talk to him anymore.I feel terrible to be this way,but,I can't help it. Thank you
You have done everything and more for this guy and he still treats you poorly. You're a librarian, here's a story:
A girl was walking down the road, she sees a scorpion in the middle of the road. The scorpion asks her to carry him across to the river, and she says no, that he'll sting her. He protests no no no he would never do that. So she picks him up, carries him to the river, and then the scorpion stings her. She falls to the ground and says, why did you sting me? He replied, "because that is who I am."
This man is a scorpion and no matter what you do, he's not going to change and you're going to end up getting stung again and again. We all would love to believe that love changes everything but really, no it doesn't. So let this man go on self-destructing. You have done your best. Now, you can just give him a nod hello or goodbye and let him get his books and leave you alone. You don't deserve the abuse that he so casually dishes out.
I wish you luck!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com