How do I get him to leave her? How do I get him to come back home?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I need adivce, it is a long story, but to make it shorter, I have been with this guy for 6 years then, about 8 months ago, my then husband and I were having problems and I left him for 7 days and he was so mad at me for doing that he went the following Friday and signed for divorce. I really didn't want to sign them but he had made me mad that day by even having them written up, so I sign them. The next week I had a friend over (who I thought was my husbands friend also) who turned out not to be a friend after all. I ended up sleeping with him and I felt so bad about it that I had to tell my husand because I had never lied to him before. Then two weeks later we got back together and made up I told him how sorry I was for doing what I did. We finally talked about the divorce and desided that we should let it go through and just get remairred and have the wedding we didn't get to have. We still had our ups and downs because of what I did but I really thought that we would make it. It felt like everything was getting back to normal but then out of the blue he desided that he wasn't sure anymore about anything he words were "I think I'm *#@* in the head" and he left me and our two kids, to go find himself I guess. I thought it would help but the next day he met (for the first time) this girl and stayed with her all weekend by the nexted Friday they had a place and moved in. He don't know her or know anything about her. I don't understand it. I thought maybe it is because he is trying to get back at me for what I did. I still love him and it's been 3 weeks, all I do is think about him and wish and pray that he will come back home. I know that he still loves me because he still tells me that he does. He has told me that he misses me, but he still says that he don't know if he will come back. He has a very big heart and I know he don't want to hurt her as well but I still love him we have been together for six years and have two children one is 3 and the other is 1. What do I do? How do I get him to leave her? How do I get him to come back home?

I'm lost please help Advice
He seems to be caught up in this new exciting fling that reality doesn't matter to him. It's like going to disneyland... wonderful to visit, but wouldn't want to live there. He's not at the point yet where trouble rears its head at his new place, but it will and when it does he'll realize that he was much better off with you than in this new relationship. Unfortunately I don't know how long it will take him to catch onto this. In the meantime, insist that he still see the kids because they need him in their lives no matter what happens. Try if you can not to argue with him because it'll just make his new life seem that much more attractive. And do fun things for yourself because you need to have happiness in your life, and otherwise you'll spend your time pining away for him. Do things that he wouldn't do with you, go out dancing or take up a pottery course, anything that will give you something new to think about.

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Good luck!


-- from Jenn
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