I shut down and ignored everything well my ex left
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I was with my ex for 5 1/2 years we had a wonderful little boy together but when our son was about 2 months old I went threw what the doc called it postpartumc back where his family lives at first to find work and get us a car I was so lost inside that when he would call begging me I would hang up on him. Well he was gone about 3 or 4 months when he called and told me that he got another girl pregnant and suddenly I woke up with a broken heart. He said he was coming home to me and our son but wanted to wait till she had the baby. He told me he loved me and everything was going to be ok for me to just hang in there so I did then she had the baby and he decided he couldnít leave. I died inside and still feel it everyday. He doesnít do anything for our son hasnít seen him in 2 years. But he calls me once a month or sometimes more and will act like nothing is wrong he will act as if we were still together his new g/f isnít around of course when he does this but he says he cant leave her n the baby that might not be his (the child looks nothing like him or his 2 kids from before her) he tells me to be happy and to move on but he still calls me and tells me things that make me even for a minute forget we ever were apart. Im currently pregnant by a guy I was dating trying to move on we broke up because I canít get over my ex no matter how hard I try. I have tried everything from trying to hate him to just trying to forget him. I still sit up nights crying for him and wishing I had done something different then he would still be here and things would be ok. I have to look at our son (that looks just like him) everyday and thing of all the things my ex has missed and that my son is doing without his father because of me. I donít know what to do anymore I work part-time, go to college part-time and raise my son and then cry all night and pray for the impossible. Itís been 2 1/2 years will it ever go away. Will I ever stop hurting or crying or wishing or praying. Why does he still tell me he loves me and wants me to be happy when he knows im not happy without him? I mean I helped him threw so much. With his ex-in-laws, helped him with his daughter from before me. Im still close to his daughter I love her like my own. Why does he seem to care more about a child that probably isnít his and a women who placed fake rape charges on him when she found out she was pregnant so that she could try to hide it from the other guy she was sleeping with at the same time over his daughter and his son who he knows are his and me who bent over backwards for 5 1/2 years I left all my family and friends for him I loved him more than anything even my own life. Sometimes it feels like im better off dead but then again I have my son to live for. But what if my son is better off without me I mean I am the reason he is growing up without a father I am the reason he doesnít have the family I promised him he would have. What do I do? I canít get over him. He is all I think about, all I want, and all I need.
First and most crucial: Your son needs you. Your son needs you far more than you need your ex-. Think how desperate and unhappy you are, and then think of your son feeling like that forever. If you were to leave your son, you would be creating a hole in his life that he could never recover from. Your son needs you. Do your best for him because you are all that he has.
Second, I know it's hard but I think you're better off without your ex. If you look at it realistically, he's a jerk who gets women pregnant willy-nilly. He has how many children now? And all by different mothers... that's not someone responsible or valuing anyone in his life. You -are- better off without him, no matter how nice he might be he's still a cheater. That, of course, doesn't make you feel better in the slightest.
You need to get into some counselling. You're doing so great in all other aspects of your life, like working and going to school.... you need to get your head on straight about this guy. Right about now, this long after him, you're stuck in a rut with your feelings and getting out on your own would be nearly impossible. I think that with professional help, they'll be able to give you a hand up to get out of the rut. I'm sure that there are really cheap if not free counsellors at school that you could talk to.
I wish you luck!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com