i realli do want to be friends with her at least
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
well this is a kinda complex problem and its probably gonna b long so please bear with me...
im in 9th grade (going to 10th, its summer right now) and so is 'she'. in 7th grade when i first seen her i thought she was kinda cute, but never realli thought anything of it. i first seen her during our band concert (i was in intermediate band, she was in beginning band). then in the 8th grade we both got into symphonic band together so we seen each other a lot more but didnt talk to each other. then around the end of our 8th grade year we went on a band trip play at different schools and this trip would last 3 days. well on day 2 we were riding on a bus (mostly sight-seeing that day) and it was a pretty long bus ride and my friend and i were sitting behind her so she and my friend started talking. eventually i started talking to her too until we got to our stop. well that same night as i was about to go to sleep i started thinking of the day and then thought of the talk between my friend, the girl and i had. then it hit me like a brick. i started to think "do i like her? i think i do....." as time went on i realli did start to like her. another friend of mine were realli good friends with her and had her screen name for instant messaging. well when i figured this out i asked if i could have his whole buddy list so he wouldnt think of anything suspicious about me and her (i dont realli tell my friends about ppl i like. they see me as a person with no feelings and never liked anyone in my life. and well if i told them, it'd be hard for them to keep secret because it'd be such a shock to them). so i started talking to her over the internet and then in school sometimes. then when summer started we started to "seperate". we never talked that much and b/c of summer, we never seen each other that much. then at about the first quarter of my 9th grade year i finally built up the guts to send her a email saying basically "hi" and asking what her new screen name is (she changed it over the summer). we started talking to each other again and then yet again she changed her screen name. this time i never had the guts to email her again and if my friend gave me his buddy list and yet again i talked to her it'd b like im obsessed over her, or im trying REALLI hard to b friends, almost a freakishly hard. so i didnt get it and once again our friendship started to die. at school we did see each other a lot (even tho she's only in my band class) and we would (well actually mostly she would) say hi or smile when we pass each other. and in 10th grade im not enrolled in band so that would mean we see each other even less unless she by some miracle gets into a different class of mine. i started thinking that i made a big mistake and should change my class back to band(well not only cuz shes in band, but because band is kinda fun...)so as u see i made a lot of attempts to become friends and it did work for a while but it eventually dies. not only that, when i talk to her i am realli realli REALLI intimidated when i talk to her. i guess i wanna kno how to talk more. i've read your breaking ice tips n stuff and i have done some of them (ask the time, bump into them, etc.) in school she is rarely by herself and shes usually with people i dont kno or people that i dont kno very well so its kind of nerve-wrecking. not only that but she has a lot of friends and i've noticed that most people that have a lot of friends also have a lot of.... well i guess you could say enemies. some of my friends talk bad about her (calls her a drama queen, says she's bad at her intrument (which (in my opinion) is not tru) etc.) and when i hear this i have a really feel like sticking up for her but instead just nod my head and not say anything. i guess i need advice that isnt as general as the "breaking ice" tips, i need tips that are more unique to the situation that i'm in. i realli do want to be friends with her at least. sorry, this was kind of long, but thanks in advance for your help
You're doing all the right things to keep this friendship going. Remember that it takes two of you to hold up a relationship, so she should be contacting you half the time. Otherwise it's far too onesided and then it gets uncomfortable.
Continue to keep in touch with her through IM or email and in person. Ask her out on dates with you, to the mall, to a movie, wherever. Make a standing date, say on Mondays meet up with her to study english or whatever. Find ways to keep the two of you meeting up with one another. There are loads of ways that you can get her to do things with you. The more time she spends with you, the more likely it can progress to something more.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com