My husband of 5 years and I were going through some rough times

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My husband of 5 years and I were going through some rough times. I was trying to be too controling. During one of our arguments he told me he was interested in and attracted to a women on the adult league softball team he coached. We decided to work through this, with help. After a month he told me he was "in love" with me again and only wanted to be with me. Problem is I got the cell phone bills and looked over them, like I always do, and he has been calling her alot. In a month there were over 20 calls with lengths from 5 to 30 minutes. I asked him about it and he said he turned to her when he needed to talk. He told me that this is a new friendship and he was willing to not have it as not to hurt me. But now that he is going to call her he is having problems doing it. He says she is innocent in all this but my husband seems to be a little "blind" to attention from women. Am I wrong by being upset that he turned to this women when he has committed to me to work this out? And am I wrong to want him to end his friendship with her? Advice
It's natural for people to turn to a member of the opposite sex to hash out problems with their true relationships. They're looking for an "alternate viewpoint" to balance out what they are thinking. So I'm not surprised by his doing this. Unfortunately, it was right after a discussion about how he thinks that these women are hot, which I'm sure doesn't sit well with you.

I would recommend that you get him to not pursue this friendship and instead talk with you. It sounds to me like you really need a more open commitment and conversation level with him and it would be better for him to take all he was telling this other woman and instead share it with you. The relationship will be stronger as a result.

I wish you the best and hope it all works out!


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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